The Omniscient Male

I’d like to start this post apologizing for not being a consistent blogger, but I’m afraid it won’t be new. So let’s get straight to the point shall we?

I do not own a car yet, so I always have to depend on taking taxis or rides from my friends and sometimes people with good hearts who happen to own vehicles.

So on Wednesday, my body and my bed a had time parting with each other, so I ended up being in bed later than usual and as a result, missed getting a lift with my landlord.

I literally dragged myself through the basic things I had to do before leaving home.

After I left my street, I met him: The all-knowing-male.

He stopped to give me a lift and though I was late, my guts told me to reject the ride, I didn’t.
Now, this guy is someone I’m kind of acquainted with.

Well, of course, he had to pass the usual cheesy and weak compliments – “You still look good.” (C’mon brother, you look like you’ve been in this game too long to be using such phrases)

Awkward lifts and rides also lend themselves to further awkwardness. So All-Knowing Male thought giving me a lift entitled him to ask me questions like “What do you do for fun” “Where do you hang out?” “Oh so your boyfriend must be the one keeping you home all the time.”

In most cases, I try my best to give answers that’ll hint I’m not interested. I did however, answer this guy.
I told him I’m almost a loner by choice, I hardly hang out and when I do, I’d rather be doing some outdoor activity like go to an empty beach, go hiking or go running than sit in a bar being ogled by thirsty men or having my ears being blown up with a shallow conversation from some guy who can barely see beyond a lady’s eyeshadow.

Then he dropped the bomb!

“Oh, so you prefer white guys! oh, I know you prefer white guys. I am good at reading between the lines,” he said.

My eyes grew in shock. I tried not to embarrass him by not letting my jaws drop to the floor.

I was about to pull a Madea move on him. But I decided to come down and reason at his level. I mustered a cynical smile and asked why he thought I “preferred” white guys.  Apparently, only white guys actively involve themselves in outdoor activities and black guys just sit home and play games, make babies and eat.

Did I mention he’s a black guy? From a country with lots of outdoor activities? Oh, wait, those activities are for white male tourists alone.

After such comments, some folks still ask why I’d rather be a part-time hermit?

Oh and for the record, I don’t prefer any race but should there be a gun to my head, I’ll run after my Nigerian guys.


13 thoughts on “The Omniscient Male

  1. Oh, people with too much to say and too little knowledge can be so annoying, especially when they’re so smug and self assured. Me, I usually plaster on a smile and say ‘ooookay’

    • Thanks for clicking dear 🙂

      Indeed people who feel they must always run their mouths sadly have nothing to back it up!
      I usually just keep quiet but every now and again, I try to understand how some of these people think…

  2. Ah, Vou…hmm.

    So you prefer black 9ja guys and I’m still chasing you after 2 years?

    Anyway, I’ve felt the same way with a woman before. I mean, thinking she preferred white guys, turned out I was dead right.

    • Ha Samson…lol
      Never knew you were chasing oh…lol Well, Now i just need to increase my speed that’s all..hehehe
      And, I hope this doesn’t come off as me saying i prefer Nigerian guys oh…If i was forced to choose, i’d choose Nigerian guys…

    • Haha,
      it pays to be one’s self all the time… I like people who don’t act smart to attract friends….
      And by the way, I saw someone who looks just like you at the grocery store today… I almost hugged him…lol

  3. This is hilarious and so true, I meet people like that all the time, even have some acquaintances and although I get very irritated sometimes, I just plaster a smile on my face, make non-committal responses and look anywhere but at the person, hoping they’ll get the hint and stop.

    • Haha,
      Girl, I always try my best to maintain a smile but most times, I can’t help throw one statement or another…lol
      I guess for as long the earth goes on, there’ll always be guys like that…
      Thanks for reading my blog.. 🙂

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