Archive | January 2014

BREAKING NEWS- Dinosaur Remains Found In the Virgin Islands!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, dinosaur remains have just been discovered at Long Trench, on the beautiful Island of Tortola, Virgin Islands.
The 50-feet long baby dinosaur was discovered by Shaquanana “Never-tell-a-lie” Jango shortly after he began digging into the rocky hilltop soil on his excavator, Thursday morning.
“Maan, that heck was big. Meh think seh ah duppy,” Jango said. “Jah burn duppy! Fire pan duppy!”
Scientists from the renowned Fellowship of Fake Dinosaur Discoveries have since arrived on Island to confirm what specie of the extinct creature Mr. Jango may have seen.
Fake News Reporters will bring you more updates as they become available.

Okay folks, relax! This clearly is a lie. If you believed that piece of crap, then by all means please slap yourself…lol

I had to do it.
I’m fed up of people thinking as a reporter I must know every little thing going on around the country.
So this afternoon, I tried to at least put a stop to it…hahaha
I was at the bank and the teller asked me what the latest news is/was.
I paused for a minute and told him dinosaur remains had just been discovered on the island.

This guy who should be in his mid twenties totally believed me. I told him the news was still being kept a secret until scientist confirmed what type of dinosaur it is. I even told him the creature was as big as half the bank lobby.

I know… I’m a very bad person, but how can someone in this day and age believe that that bit of news could possibly be true for a such a tiny Caribbean island?

Bless his heart!

Mind Your Business.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I’ve not spoken about my natural hair journey in a long time. Partly because, I find it a part of every day life and there shouldn’t be so much ado about it. (Apparently, not everyone thinks the same, but oh well!)

However, as of today that will change. For the past three days, I’ve rocked an afro and I’ve loved every bit of it.

Truth be told, there are times I wake up and judge myself a little too hard about some part of my body- It’s either my stomach could be flatter, my arms could be slimmer or some little thing here and there I’m insecure about. One thing that I’m super confident about though, is my hair.

I could have all my hair shaved and still be confident about my head. 
Now, this isn’t something many people are used to. I have absolutely no problem or issues moving around town rocking my hair as it grows out my scalp. 

While I’ve received more positive than negative comments, I can’t help but think about the negative ones.

I remember a few months ago, I had my afro out and was walking to the office from an assignment when some random dude pulled over in his vehicle, rolled down his window and said/asked “why don’t you go do something with that hair?” People, if not for God and self control, I would have given him some choice words. Instead, I walked away with a smile.

I was at a press conference less than two hours ago. As I stood up to ask a question, I heard someone behind me pass a comment about my hair and people around that individual followed the comment with giggles. I paused for a few seconds in between my question and again, I was tempted to look around and give them some words. Just like the last time, I just ignored them and carried on with my question.

On my way back to the office, I stopped over at the telephone store to say hello to a friend and as soon as I got in, I saw a young girl looking at my hair, while trying so hard to muffle her laughter. I simply just walked out. 

If I was the Vou in the past, trust me, I would have pulled a Madea on all the folks who’ve had something bad to say about me and the hair that actually grows from my scalp.

I don’t got around like a natural hair nazi preaching that every woman must return natural. Heck, I don’t even go laughing at women who think they aren’t beautiful until they are rocking 100-inch “human hair.”

With all this said, I think from today I’ll make it my business to help certain people understand this “strange” thing that grows on my head and that I’ve decided to display.

I’m putting myself aside. I do not make a lot of money, but from now on, I’ll start saving some money just so I can offer anyone who bad talks my hair a voucher to attend counseling or attend a class on history, specifically on the 1960s Civi Rights movement. 

I mean, there’s absolutely no excuse for anyone, especially anyone of African descent to look at natural hair and frown. It’s one of two things: you don’t love yourself enough or you totally disregard the suffering our fore parents went through in the past. Heck, not even that, it’s either you’re yet to realize the danger of chemical relaxers on hair and the entire body.

I may sound like a natural hair nazi, but at this point, I don’t care. This whole nonsense of not respecting how people choose to express themselves has to stop.

Adieus people 🙂 

Judge Not!

There are certain topics and issues I wish I could be bold enough to blog about.

Farts and a scattered room are among them.
Now, before I scare my future husband (I’d say boyfriend, but I think I’m becoming too old for that…lol) away, I shall refrain from publicly speaking about farts and a scattered bedroom.
So, this is just me thinking out loud and pretending I have the courage to blog about my farts…

He/she who does not fart, please cast the first stone…hahah

Hey Folks,
I hardly have any visitors, but just in case you’re thinking visiting me today, please consider this an advisory not to.
I’ve been farting all day and my bedroom is in chaos. I’ve got clothes on the bed and I’m too lazy to put them in place. As such, I’m spending time in the living room and that means all the fart shall be passed in here…

But thank goodness for scented candles and air refreshers…

Okay, bye…

Oh… did I hear you say I’m letting out too much information…. Last time I checked, the title of this blog said “Vou Vents” not “whatever your name is” Vents…

Smile, love, laugh, be silly, fart if you have too, life is too short to hold in farts.

Alright folks, there we have it, I’ve managed to blog about farts… (Goodness I need to be embarrassed of myself…lol)

bye folks…

Beyond Blessed

In a few hours, it will be 2014.

2013 will go down memory lane as probably the year that moved faster than lightning. However fast it went, I’m more than grateful to God for the opportunity to see the last day of the year. If not for his mercies and grace, I sure as heck don’t know where I’ll be.

If and when I wake up in the morning, the sun probably will shine just the same way it did this morning, the crickets around my hill top apartment will chirp just the as loud and I sure will be waking up alone with my three teddy bears. The only thing that’ll be different will be the time and date on all my electronic device. We all take these little things for granted, don’t we?
I hope in 2014, I’ll appreciate the little things in life more.

I’m not a big fan of New Year Resolutions neither will you ever hear this nonsense phrase “New Year, New Me,” from me. One thing I do for sure is try renew my commitment to helping people even if it means just making them smile. This new year won’t be any different. 

I’m resolving to making myself smile first of all, then extending it to others. 2014 will be a great year if we all make the effort to make others smile. 

In 2013, one of my goals was to appreciate people each opportunity I had. I can’t say I did that completely, as i had some very bitter days. I’m having that as a goal again this year. I’m thankful to those who made me smile this year. A smile sure goes a long way.

One other goal was to visit Nigeria and be with family. I did that. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have done that. Several times before this trip, I set up times to visit and I ended up canceling the trip for very tiny reasons. I later realized that I canceled the trip subconsciously because I was afraid of traveling back home for the first time in years. I was worried about fitting in again and worried about how I would be received. After I returned, I knocked myself hard in the head for letting fear hold me back from being with the people I care about the most. Thanks 2013, I conquered that fear. I can’t wait to do it again. There’s so much love and joy being with family. I can’t afford to stay away from all that goodness for more than two years.

2013 didn’t go by without leaving a tiny scar on my fragile heart. I won’t go into details, but I’ll like to think a bit stronger. And I think I may have touched one or two hearts the wrong way. I’m sorry! This year, I’m going to hold on strong to Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart for it determines the course of your life.” 

Apart from cold here and there, I didn’t have any major reasons to be at the hospital. How blessed am I? I pray God extends that grace and favor in 2014. 

I have no New Year resolutions I’m willing to put out in public. I just want to make the little changes I need to make in order to be a better person.

This post is beginning to read cheesy to me…  I need to infuse some humor somewhere…. 

Okay, humor aside, I must share this story with you all… Real life story by the way.

So earlier in the year, I had a crush on this guy at the gym. Well, it wasn’t really a crush. He’s cute and I just liked to stare at him and occasionally flirt. That was all. I noticed he also liked me a little bit because, one day, he chased me after gym to try get my contact info and all that. And no, I didn’t give him my number and luckily at that time, I had deactivated my Facebook account.

I told him if he wanted to contact me, he could call my office or even read my articles and email me from the info on my byline….lol. (How mean of me right?) He didn’t do any of the above…. As time when on, my crush on him just went down the drain. He was a little too slow in approaching me. But honestly, somewhere at the back of my mind, I didn’t want it to go beyond a crush either (Ladies, we all know we want a guy to show some balls…[ not his real balls] but show some courage in approaching us. But the kick came when one afternoon, saw him driving through town and at the back of his car was, “Baby On Board.” That was the end of my crush on that fine looking young man. 

I told that story to say, my wish for 2014 is that I don’t have a crush on any guy who moves really slow and can’t gather the courage to face me… and I wish you all the same too….

Oh what a useless post…

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I pray somewhere along this post, you smiled.

Happy and productive 2014.