Archive | March 2014

Cruising For Lunch

Cruising For Lunch

Girls and boys, gentlemen and ladies… As we type, I can barely focus on the stories I have to write within the next two hours.

My mind is still roaming round my visit to Riviera, one of Oceania Cruises’ newest babies. I was invited to tour the ship and have lunch for the second time in one year.
I had such a great time and left with lots of great ideas for my Nigerian Husband…. Wherever you are my dear, I want you to know there’s no pressure whatsoever…

More on this cruise ship visit when all my stories are done and when i’ve managed to work off at least one quarter of the calories I consumed!

TIll then, please enjoy staring at this photo I took of my desert- “A la Minute Poached Floating Island” (Pink Pralines and Roasted Pistachio cream)

Sleepy, stuffed and tired,
Vou

The ‘Crushee.’

My dear Nigerian Husband,

I really don’t know if you already read this blog of mine. But just in case you’re a reader already, I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about over this post. This is just an innocent childhood rant, just me wishing a good old friend the best!

regards,
your Nigerian wife ( Goodness, this sounds cheesy on all levels… but who cares? hehehe)

So girls and boys, gentlemen and ladies, lets get back to our regularly scheduled programme, shall well?

Rewind 10-15 years ago. Maybe even more…Way back to Sunday School days at ECWA Gospel II.

I wasn’t even a teenager then. Maybe I was.
I loved Sunday sunday for many reasons. The lively teachers we had, (The likes of Uncle Billy and Uncle Rodgard -Not sure I spelt that correctly though) the fun songs Uncle Billy formulated and the friends I had.

But you see, at one stage in my sunday school days, there were a few boys I liked more than others. Yep, I wasn’t entirely the most behaved kid in that regard. But then, who’s to say other little girls didn’t like other boys as well.

At some point I liked this boy called Terna,  (Terna if you’re reading this, Yes, I had a crush on you…lol)  but that crush was short-lived when he became too popular and wouldn’t even notice I existed. You can image how crushed I was.

But my people, this post isn’t about Terna. It’s about the main guy I had a crush on. But even worse than Terna, I don’t think I ever showed up on his radar. His name? Henry!

Henry was quiet, he was smart, he was neat, he read well and he always appeared a bit shy.
One other problem was, Henry always hung around the older Sunday School kids. Those kids who wouldn’t let you hang in their circle… those kids who knew way more Bible verses than we the younger kids.

I remember one time Henry and Queen- a girl I secretly envied because she got to hang around Henry more than me- were assigned the roles of reading the ‘news’ during Sunday School Day (On Sunday School Days, the kids took over the service. we led praise and worship, performed skits and dances).

I can’t even begin to tell you guys how grieved I felt when I wasn’t chosen to read the news along side Henry. I mean, I thought I could read, articulate and appeared just as bold as Henry and Queen. Why wasn’t I chosen? Heck, It was that Aunty Vou. I never believed she liked me much… she was among the mean Sunday School teachers…. (Goodness, this sounds like I had a very disturbed childhood huh? hehehe- If you take this too serious, then my dear, you need to see a shrink!)

Anyways, while I crushed hard on Henry, (And at that stage, crushing on someone simply meant you longed to sit next to them all the time and have the run after you on the playground.) he paid me no mind.

Needless to say, that crush eventually died down, but I never lost respect for the fine-looking Henry.

So Henry Khantiok, now that I have your attention on this blog. From a former ‘Crusher’ to her ‘Crushee,’ I want to wish you a happy birthday!

May this new year bring you closer to being the Man God has ordained you to be. May this new year be filled with blessings, joy, laughter, love and happiness!

People, join me in wishing my Sunday School crush HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

 

Live, laugh, love, smile, sleep and fart; life is too short!

Vou

The Nigerian Husband

Ladies, gentlemen, girls and boys, 

In recent posts, I’ve made several references to some mystical Nigerian man and how I think no Nigerian man would marry me because of my inability to cook certain Nigerian dishes.

Before we all get ahead of ourselves, I’m not particularly looking oh. At this point sef, I can’t confirm or deny that there’s already a Nigerian man “wink wink.”

Anyways, lately, I’ve been thinking of having a series of blog posts on “The Nigerian Husband.” Among my plans for this series is to explore what I want/would want from this Nigerian husband and hey, play around some of the stereotypes on Nigerian men and some of society’s demands on the wife/woman.

Please let me know what and how you feel about this… (after all, I want to know that my readers enjoy what they read…I really don’t want to be the reason you squeeze that lovely looking face of yours…)

Anyways, bye… I got some Bible passages to read. I need to stock up on some verses to share with the Nigerian husband…

Please, don’t take me seriously… live, love, laugh, smile, eat, sleep and fart all you want because life is tooooo short….

 

Vou

 

Weekend Away

Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen,

Remember during the Christmas holidays I attempted to make chin chin and failed miserably? Without any question, I was certain no Nigerian man would marry me. My already limited and struggling wife material just reduced by 50 yards.

I knocked myself hard for weeks over that failed mission. To compensate though, I tried to cook pounded yam and vegetable soup. Apparently I did well on that. I must add though, those compliments came from folks who aren’t from Nigeria. Hence, not knowing much about Nigerian food, they had nothing to compare my meal with. However, I think I hit the spot.

But ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, there’s hope for me.

I spent my weekend with a Nigerian friend of mine. This girl loves to cook and lovessssss to feed people.
I looked forward to spending time with her family and enjoying some Nigerian meals. Secretly though, I dreaded all the feeding, considering the fact that over the last two weeks, I had  people pelting at me their opinions on my weight. ( On one of such days, this lady I used to attend morning aerobics classes with told me  I put on so much weight and I’m now fat. Less than 24 hours later, this other lady saw me and asked why I had lost so much weight. The following morning, this other lady saw me and asked “how’s the baby?” She thought I was pregnant. A few days later, another one told me to tell her the secret to putting on weight.)

Before I got to her house on Saturday, I made sure I worked out extra hard at the gym that morning. I knew there’ll be no escape routes when it came to food at that house. During my previous visit to her house, she blatantly told me “Nne, biko eat some food, see as you’re skinny.”

Anyways, at my friend’s house over the weekend, I learnt to  make egusi soup, I fed the baby, I observed as she made okra soup (calm down, I can cook okra soup. It’s just that she made hers differently)

And the best part of this weekend sleep over was the chin chin. On Sunday after church, laundry, a plate of garri and okra soup, we made chin chin.

As I type, I have a 978 gram/2 lbs peanut butter jar filled with chin chin being displayed on my desk. I plan on taking some to another Nigerian girl who hasn’t had chin chin in ages.

I can almost boast among my peers again. I think with my chin chin game getting back on track, I can look forward to being a good Nigerian wife.
Dear future husband, I’m really doing my best to make sure when your friends come visit you, they’ll have lots of food to eat!

Boys and girls, this has been yet another senseless post. (I know, this post made no sense at all, but I had to post something… It’s been more than a month I actually posted anything here.

Smile, laugh, love, fart and be silly; life is too short

Vou