Archive | April 2014

I’m A Queen.

Dear Nigerian Husband,

I’ve noticed that in a few of my posts to you, I’ve spoken too much of what you expect of me and have almost neglected some things I’ll expect from you.

I am a queen, and I’ll expect you to treat me for what I am.
Wait, don’t jump off your throne in disgust over my inflated ego, let me explain.

I’ve heard a few of your mates complain about women not knowing what they want. (I won’t be mad if you think like them) In fact, you guys may be right to some extent. I don’t always know what I want, but I have a pretty good idea of what I do not want. I don’t want you to be clueless!

You, my Nigerian Husband are/will be my king and l can tell you this much, you will be treated like the royalty you are.

From the moment we met/ From the moment you meet me, I’ve always expected/ I will always expect you to pamper me. Oh, I don’t mean treat me like a baby, call me every hour of the day. I don’t mean send me flowers every week, I don’t mean shower me with gifts.

I’m a queen already/will be a queen already by that time, so I can afford those things right?

Treat me like a queen, send me little, short notes every morning, reply my text messages within 10 minutes after you receive them. You’re allowed to respond later if you’re in an important meeting or activity that will raise enough money to take care of the big family we are going to have.

Treat me like a queen, spend some time with me listening to poems, John Legend, and reading a good book.  I love anything that has to do with arts and music. I promise, you’ll get almost anything within my power once you understand and appreciate the arts with me.

My Dear Nigerian Husband, treat me like a queen, take an hour each week to help with my natural hair. It doesn’t have to be fancy. We can sit on the porch while you unravel my twists or even massage my scalp with coconut oil.

I am a queen, I like to workout, come running with me once or twice a week. As you can see in the photo, I have a pouch I need to get rid of. I am a queen, come exercise with me.

I am a queen! I like handwritten letters… Send me a letter in the mail box every now and again! (not the mail box on the internet. I mean, the one the mail man checks every morning)

Treat me like a queen, send me a note every night before you go to bed. Treat me like a queen, be the first to read any posts published on this blog. Treat me like a queen, be the reason I retire completely from writing horrible, bitter-woman poems… Be the reason I become a sappy romance poet.

I am my father’s princess (ha, my dad doesn’t believe in that kind of nonsense….lol) I am/ will be your queen, be on the good side of my father. Go have a random conversation with him about all the topics he’s got an interest in. I am important to my family and they are important to me. Treat me like a queen, get to know them.

Treat me like a queen, join me in my random photography adventures. Treat me like a queen, lets spend a quiet afternoon listening to TED Talks on photography, poetry and the topics that highlight the importance of being unique and being a good human being.

Treat me like a queen, let’s go to church together, lets exchange devotional each morning and feel free to send me random Bible passage throughout the day.

These are just a few of the things I require of you my Dear Nigerian Husband. I’ll need you to use your discretion in finding out the rest.

I am a queen. (Goodness, what the heck was this post about again? This has got to be one of the cheesiest posts IImage

‘ve ever had. )

 

Smile, live, laugh, love, fart, be silly: life is too short 🙂

Vou

 

 

The Makeup/Hair Guru.

Hey guys,
I enjoyed interviewing Phillip for a feature in the paper this week. I thought I’d share it with you guys…. Pick up a copy of The BVI Beacon or read more of HERE.

So here, excerpts! For the Complete interview, get a copy of the paper or visit the website… Link above 🙂

Mr. Krane-Bernier, a 32-year-old makeup artist, dancer and hair stylist, has worked for several beauty magazines and actors in the Virgin Islands and the United States. Currently, he is a hairstylist at Oasis Salon and Spa.
Vou: Tell me a bit about your makeup and beauty skills.

Phillip: Officially, I am a licensed cosmetology instructor. I went to school to learn cosmetology and I turned around and started teaching. I am approved by the Education Corporation of America. I’ve taught internationally. I decided it’s time for me to come back home and share what I’ve learnt. Here in the Virgin Islands, I am celebrated for a lot of what I have done. I am also a motivational speaker. I love to motivate people on how to get to the next level, help them recognise where they’re at and realise where they can go; put them in position and help them to get to that level.

Vou: What led you into makeup and hair styling?

Phillip: It’s funny because my father was the one that said, “Why don’t you go to hair school?” I’ve always been creative. Often, people ask, “How long have you been doing hair and makeup?” I try not to put a number on it because I have been creative all my life. It’s just that now I am using the creativity and channelling it into the hair and beauty industry. I went to school to be a veterinarian.

I went to Norfolk State UniImageversity — had a full scholarship. I really liked the discipline and I don’t disregard that experience because in that I found out what I didn’t want to do and it gave birth to what I really enjoy doing. My father, Ken Bernier, he was like, “What you goin’ do with your life after five years of college?” I didn’t know at that point. I just knew what I didn’t want to do. He said, “Why don’t you go to hair school? Find one and I’ll pay for it.” I did, and the first week of hair school, I thought, “This is it.” After my first roller set, I said, “This feels right!” Now, looking back over 15 years ago, I realise hair and makeup is just a surface for reaching people and helping them realise what’s on the inside. A lot of people deal with insecurities with the way they look, with the way they feel. So with hair, makeup and beauty, I’m able to reach those sensitive areas and really polish them, allow and help them appreciate what is there.

Vou: As a boy, how did you hone those skills?

Phillip: Well, I can tell you: In the Caribbean you get to know how to plait hair. My creativity didn’t start with hair and makeup. It started with crochet. I had this thing about knots. I loved to unravel knots. I sometimes could spend long periods of time taking out a knot. I would always make hats and different things. Everything I put my mind into doing, I wanted to do it to the best of my ability — not to outshine anybody. I kind of started growing my hair out and started braiding, so that was like the doorway or introduction to what now is my career.

Vou: I went through your Facebook and Instagram photos and I saw a lot of photos of your work with magazines and models. Can you tell me more about your portfolio?

Phillip: I thank God for those opportunities. My first day actually as a hairstylist, I worked for an Aveda salon. I started out with hair, but seeing how things worked out at photo shoots, I thought makeup was interesting as well. It was a progression. I worked with a lot of makeup brands, and that gave me a lot of insight on how to function in high fashion. I’ve worked with movies, in films, and also I did a lot of commercials. Recently, I did makeup for one of the Miss Easter Pageant contestants. I have also worked with the Miss Teen USA and Mrs. USA Pageants.

My Butt, My Crack, My Rules

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Dear Nigerian Husband,
If this breaks your heart, I’m sorry… (Well, not really.)

I told you from the beginning, accepting me as your loyal, submissive, prayerful, loving, funny, annoying and offspring-producing wife means you’re accepting me with all my defiant and not-so-lady-like ways.

This time, I’m about to make a revelation or two that might be that final straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I understand you’re a very traditional man. A man whose family is well known for the type of good daughter in-laws they have. You’re the type of man who believes I must embody everything refined, everything pure, everything obedient and everything meek and everything that must act proper while in public.

But my dear Nigerian Husband, I do possess some of those qualities, but look eh, forget this long English I’m speaking…I posses a few habits that should not be used in a sentence describing the perfect wifely-material.

I dig out my panties in public! (Did I hear you say i must have some public decorum? Aint’ nobody gat time for that?!?)

Yes, I said it. I hope this marriage is still going to hold. Wait, It must hold oh, after all, you’re not a reader of this silly blog of mine. You’re busy building a future for that big family we’re going to have.

But let me just attempt to explain myself in case you’re a ghost reader.

Look, all, a few ladies, if they are honest and at times publicly unrefined like me, might agree with me, buying the right panties to fit our back-sides could sometimes be a pain!

I remember one time I went to buy me some new draws (goodness, I shouldn’t even be talking about under wears this publicly. I’m really pushing this my traditional Nigerian Husband to the wall… All of you that are there laughing at my expense, I hope you have a fall back Nigerian Husband for me in the event this one in my head calls off our union)

Anyways, back to the matter. I went to buy me some new panties and I underestimated the size of my butt. ( please insert any cute or politically correct name for butt here…) I bought nearly two sizes too small. When I got home, I realized they could barely even give me proper coverage.

No, if you’re thinking I just dumped them in the undies drawer, you’re wrong. I wore them. I was not about to waste some money.

Needless to say, the few times I wore them out, I found myself on the wrong side of public manners. I caught myself on the verge of digging them out in public. I almost found myself in the same position as the women I squeeze my face at each time they just boldly pull out their panties in public.

My dear husband, I’m not about that pretend life. Please I beg you, let me know what you think about this topic. I’m trying to make myself the best wife I can be. Honestly though, it’s very uncomfortable having to walk around town and still trying to look cute at the same time with draws stuck in the middle of your butt.

I’m fed up of trying to act proper. I’m taking matters into my hands… I shall dig out anything being a bother to me…

Oh, I wanted to also talk to you about my resistance to proper shoes. For a while now, I’ve worn flip flops to work and have only changed them when I needed to attend a press conference. Never mind though, we’ll discuss that another time. (I’ve been getting a lot of heat from my friend Ify about my flip flops. I sort of get where she’s coming from. She’s married to a good Nigerian Husband, so I think she might have tips or experience on what men of your calibre want…

I’m done…

(If you take this too serious, my dear you need to see a shrink…. 🙂 )

 

Smile, laugh, love, live, fart and be silly, life is too short

Vou

Sunset Love

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Happy Easter!
Haven’t posted anything in the past week. So here, enjoy some sunset love. Took this photo last weekend while doing some formals for a bride and her groom
Look Nigerian Husband, you need to be taking note of these photos and i’m posting oh. I assure you, some day they will help you! lol (Where is this NIgerian Husband of mine sef? sigh)