My Butt, My Crack, My Rules

Dear Nigerian Husband,
If this breaks your heart, I’m sorry… (Well, not really.)

I told you from the beginning, accepting me as your loyal, submissive, prayerful, loving, funny, annoying and offspring-producing wife means you’re accepting me with all my defiant and not-so-lady-like ways.

This time, I’m about to make a revelation or two that might be that final straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I understand you’re a very traditional man. A man whose family is well known for the type of good daughter in-laws they have. You’re the type of man who believes I must embody everything refined, everything pure, everything obedient and everything meek and everything that must act proper while in public.

But my dear Nigerian Husband, I do possess some of those qualities, but look eh, forget this long English I’m speaking…I posses a few habits that should not be used in a sentence describing the perfect wifely-material.

I dig out my panties in public! (Did I hear you say i must have some public decorum? Aint’ nobody gat time for that?!?)

Yes, I said it. I hope this marriage is still going to hold. Wait, It must hold oh, after all, you’re not a reader of this silly blog of mine. You’re busy building a future for that big family we’re going to have.

But let me just attempt to explain myself in case you’re a ghost reader.

Look, all, a few ladies, if they are honest and at times publicly unrefined like me, might agree with me, buying the right panties to fit our back-sides could sometimes be a pain!

I remember one time I went to buy me some new draws (goodness, I shouldn’t even be talking about under wears this publicly. I’m really pushing this my traditional Nigerian Husband to the wall… All of you that are there laughing at my expense, I hope you have a fall back Nigerian Husband for me in the event this one in my head calls off our union)

Anyways, back to the matter. I went to buy me some new panties and I underestimated the size of my butt. ( please insert any cute or politically correct name for butt here…) I bought nearly two sizes too small. When I got home, I realized they could barely even give me proper coverage.

No, if you’re thinking I just dumped them in the undies drawer, you’re wrong. I wore them. I was not about to waste some money.

Needless to say, the few times I wore them out, I found myself on the wrong side of public manners. I caught myself on the verge of digging them out in public. I almost found myself in the same position as the women I squeeze my face at each time they just boldly pull out their panties in public.

My dear husband, I’m not about that pretend life. Please I beg you, let me know what you think about this topic. I’m trying to make myself the best wife I can be. Honestly though, it’s very uncomfortable having to walk around town and still trying to look cute at the same time with draws stuck in the middle of your butt.

I’m fed up of trying to act proper. I’m taking matters into my hands… I shall dig out anything being a bother to me…

Oh, I wanted to also talk to you about my resistance to proper shoes. For a while now, I’ve worn flip flops to work and have only changed them when I needed to attend a press conference. Never mind though, we’ll discuss that another time. (I’ve been getting a lot of heat from my friend Ify about my flip flops. I sort of get where she’s coming from. She’s married to a good Nigerian Husband, so I think she might have tips or experience on what men of your calibre want…

I’m done…

(If you take this too serious, my dear you need to see a shrink…. πŸ™‚ )


Smile, laugh, love, live, fart and be silly, life is too short



22 thoughts on “My Butt, My Crack, My Rules

  1. “Frakpaz” that is the word used to describe that situation. I am guilty of that, and I do the bra thing in public too, what the heck sometimes you just gotta be real.

  2. Lmaoooo. I underestimate my butt when I buy panties all the time too. Luckily, I have a younger sister to hand them to when I get home and realize they won’t fit

    • Heya! Thanks for stopping by, I’m glad you enjoyed reading this post. I find your posts very entertaining, so it’s heartwarming to read that you liked one of my posts.
      Life is too short to suppress sensitive and personal topics. Live, love, laugh, fart out loud and be silly.

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