Archive | August 2014

Soup For the Nigerian Husband.

The Soup.

Dear Nigerian Husband, I know this isn’t the most esthetically pleasing photo, but we all know you’re not caught up in physical appearance. You’re a man who looks for substance and as such you’ll be more concerned with the taste of the soup. I assure you, you’ve never had any like this. It’s Fish soup by the way. Ingredients Yam Mahi mahi Onions Celery Tomatoes Bell pepper Knorr cube

I Found Mr. Right!

Actually, scrap that, “Mr. Right” found me.
Calm down The Contender, ( who am I kidding, I hope that headline made you almost jump off a cliff…lol)

“Mr. Right” found me this morning. One of the very few issues is, he’s not a Nigerian. He’s of Indian descent – nothing close to what I’ve imagined the Nigerian Husband to look like. No big deal though, he’ll still be referred to as the Nigerian Husband.

This man also appears to lack the level of intellect I’ve ways wanted in the Nigerian Husband. He could hardly hold a conversation beyond his mysogynistic mind- again an attribute the Nigerian Husband knows nothing of!

Let me spare you all the long chase.

On my way to town this morning, this “Mr. Right” stopped to give me a lift to town. I wasn’t on the active side of life this morning and simple things like making myself a healthy breakfast was no where on my to do list. My plan was to not lift a finger. But hey, a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do right? ( that’s a stupid phrase Vou)

Anyways, the first thing this “Mr. Right” who I think might be as old as Methuselah said was “do you remember me?”

Immediately, I started scanning through my mental archives of faces I’ve seen and possibly people I’ve had a conversation with. The archive has loads and loads of faces, most of which I wish I can delete and meetings I wish I never had. Lol

There was no way on earth I could remember his face. If I had written an interesting piece about him for the paper, I would have remembered. But hey, this good, old grandpa looking “Mr. Right,” was giving me a lift so I had to at least “remember” his face.
So I said yes! But not yes to remembering his name.

Well, according to this man, the first time he met me, we had a conversation along the lines of me marrying him. (This marriage thing done teeeey oh! Lol)

I was like “what?” That was when he decided to come clean and tell me he was joking! He had to be “Mr. Right.” It takes a genius to come up with such a brilliant conversation starter.

“Mr. Right” went on further to detail most of his life’s story including which restaurants he owns in town, how his wife is fighting him for one of them and which restaurant he’s about to acquire. Oh, he’s about to get a divorce! Perfect! Just what I envisioned for my Nigerian Husband.

I don’t think there are many men as good as this man! He already promised to get me my own car as soon as we start dating and seeing each other exclusively!
I mean, I can’t pass up on this opportunity on being with “Mr. Right!”

He couldn’t understand how a “good looking” woman like me wasn’t married and lived alone! I totally adored the way he lustily stared at me from head to toe as he spoke. How classy!

I’m in awe of his confidence and guts! He straight up told me he’s my “Mr. Right!” And I must look no further.
When I got to my destination, he gave me his number and ordered me to call him for another lift when I’m done with my errands in town.

Move over Contender, I found “Mr. Right.” No, forget that, he found me.

Seriously, I’m done! Lol I can’t take these silly old men hanging loose around the place! They should really be standing as fathers in the community and not predators looking to pounce on the next available “loose,” single and living-alone young lady!

My Dear Nigerian Husband, I hope you’re taking these my stories seriously!

Bye, I need to find a taxi to take me home.

Your Nigerian Wife.