Stay Away…

So before I go on with this post, let’s just put this out there that I’m almost not capable of carrying out this threats. What’s the point of having an imagination if it can’t produce silly ideas sometimes… Anyways, let’s get on with it!

Dear Lady At The Party,

The other day, The Nigerian Husband and I were out dancing and I noticed the way you stared at him and even proceeded to dance with him!
You’re really lucky he was off his leash that day and as such I just looked on.

Let’s get this clear! I won’t say this again!
In the event he happens to be out dancing without me, ( which is almost never,) I shall be lenient enough to allow you the sacred privilege of dancing with him. However, there are many rules you must have in your mind. I shall only name a few, may these guide you and you discern the rest!

1- You’re allowed to dance with The Nigerian Husband as long as you’re at one end of the dance hall and he is on the opposite extreme end.

2- In the event you disobey the first rule, you might be allowed to dance a few feet away from him. You can do so ONLY if the dance floor is crowdy. ( Look girl, if I were you, I wouldn’t wanna gamble with my life by getting that close.)

3- I know for sure you won’t break the first two rules. You love yourself too much. But should you be so daring by dancing less than 2 feet away from this good man of mine, my dear girl, I strongly advice that your dance moves replicate that of a nun who has just professed her religious vows. Having difficulties understanding that? Well, I simply mean you should be wearing a frock and not backing my Nigerian Husband. You shall not sway your hips from side to side.

This is a family blog (…not) and as such , I dare not explain in details the way you danced with him the other day!
Shey you think I’m not woman enough and I can’t dance like you. See don’t repeat that again, my friend,
fear God and also cherish your life, stay away from him on the dance floor while I perfect those moves I saw you performed.

Yours jealously,
The Nigerian Husband’s stalker!

My goodness, I need to see a shrink!

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