Menstruation Tales.

What? you’re disgusted by the topic of this post? Shame on you. Menstruation is real- this means all the pains, embarrassments and raging hormones that come along with it.


However, if you know I’ve got a crush on you or you’ve got a crush on me (and happen to be good looking and know I might crush back on you)and this menstruation post might jeopardize that crush/crushee relationship, please click away immediately!

On that note, I’ve had possibly one of the worse mornings of my life.
(I’d use “The Guest,” as a euphemism for menstruation, but, ‘ain’t nobody got time’ to be using codes for menstruation- a natural occurrence.)

Yesterday, the period started, it wasn’t a big deal, it was a few days late, but I was prepared nonetheless, with ample supply of sanitary pads and I had been eating the right type of food days prior.

This morning, I woke up with some cramp and with hormones souring high in the clouds. If anyone had mistakenly stepped on my toes, I’d have poured hot tea on them.

I had to fill in for a court reporter colleague of mine today, so I dressed up appropriately for court (or so I thought) with my black pumps in my bag.
I got to town, did some work at the office before heading out to court.
I took my time as i walked to court and frankly, I felt fly with myself.

Got to court and the self-righteous court police told me she won’t allow me into court because my skirt is “too tight!”
Boys and girls, I didn’t want to be arrested for contempt of court, so I just smiled at her and refused to argue and simply walked away.

I Know what tight skirts look like and my skirt was no where close to that definition. (Honestly though, I just think the court police officer was jealous that I get to wear outfits other than the frumpy uniform she wears, that’s all. That’s my explanation, and I’m sticking to it!)

That was Magistrates’ Court and had to walk over to the High Court.

On my way to the High Court, the tip of my high heel broke and no sound pisses me off more than the sound of broken tips against concrete. That would be the tip of my worries though.

Upon arriving the High Court, the Director of Public Prosecutions was already making his summation, so I missed out quite a bit.

For some reason, I felt like my seat wasn’t good enough. I wanted to see more of the murder accused faces, so I moved one seat to my left.

That was when I saw it!

My chair was soiled with blood!

I couldn’t believe how it happened. My period is usually very heavy, so I try my best to be prepared at all times, I even use the overnight pads during the day, else I’ll be flowing through the streets. I couldn’t understand how that happened.

That wasn’t all!

After the DPP’s closing arguments, thankfully, the judge decided to go an a 20-minute recess. By then, I had told a colleague of mine who was in front of me what was going on.
I got up from my chair and i felt blood rushing down to my ankle.

Whatever I did to mother nature to deserve such flood of punishment, I may never know.
I just sat back down and we waited till the court room was empty, then i went to the wash room.
Now, I couldn’t change my pad because the almighty rules at the Magistrates’ Court state that you can’t go in there with your hand bag, so I left everything at the office, meaning I had no pads to replace the soiled one.

Folks, to save you all the bloody story, I got the office eventually and rescued my self.

I’ve had some situations I thought were pretty embarrassing, but this takes the cake!

Things could have been worse, i guess.


30 thoughts on “Menstruation Tales.

  1. This blog reminds me why I love Vou in the first place! (Not like I can ever forget.) She’s just real people doing real things and being open and honest – a rare commodity nowadays. Keep these blogs coming! More please!

  2. Oh Chicken Sandwich, this is awful! I’m so sorry this happened, but glad you’re able to have a sense of humor about it ❤ ❤

    • Girl, I never had any in high school. Lol it all unleashed on me when I became a full blown adult. One would imagine at this my “old age,” I’ll be over embarrassing episodes. Lol for where???? Looks like I’m just starting.

  3. Lol.. You and this period.. Hasn’t changed one bit… Be thankful tho trust me it could have been worst or could it get any worst lol

  4. Pingback: Menstruation Tales II ( To the Unborn Nigerian Daughter)  | Vou Vents

  5. Pingback: It's Menstruation. Period. |

  6. Pingback: Bloody Menstruation. | Vou Vents

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