Dear Nigerian Husband,
What’s the matter? Why have you chosen to ignore my need for your attention?
I’m beginning to think you’re out there laughing at me with each letter I write. Whatever the case is, there’s this part of me telling me you’re just waiting on the perfect time to show up. My intuition is right. I know it is.
However, there’s also that little part of me that believes you’re sending me a bunch of funny guys to test my patience.
Let me just put this out there; dating is hard. Actually, it isn’t, finding someone worth dating is.
Last week, while sculpting this body that’ll someday carry our children, a vehicle pulled up next to me. Me sweating and panting for air as I hiked up the hill wasn’t enough to deter this man who stopped me.
He was totally clueless. He couldn’t read my body language suggesting I didn’t want to talk and wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want to be rude by just walking off, and I didn’t want to tell him off either. (I’m all in my Zen zone when I’m exercising)
Anyways, despite his lack of tact, I managed to give him my number. (I know, that wasn’t smart right?)
At least, apparently, he knows of that unwritten code of not texting someone the same day you get their number. He texted me about a week later – today.
To his credit, he was pleasant in this text message, he said good morning. These are all good attributes you, the good Nigerian Husband, possess.
But, you my Nigerian Husband aren’t so lazy. This man, who I’m sure may have good intentions was so lazy he couldn’t type out “You” completely. How much of a hurry was he in when he typed out “U” instead of “You.” That’s such a turnoff. What sort of conversation are we going to have if I do agree to go on a date with him?
While we’re on the matter of using “U” for “You.” Please notice also that he used “R” instead of “Are.”
He looked like he got potential – he was soft spoken, presented himself well- but my goodness, how hard is it to type out simple words correctly. What does he mean by “I admires you?” Using “I” as third-person now are we?
Should I edit the text and send it back to him? I want him to get it right, I want him to know dating me is serious business and not a teenage texting session- I’m just about 30 for goodness’ sake. I’m sure he’s older than than too, he should know better.
I’m the worse person when it comes spelling and grammar but…
Also, doesn’t he know of such a thing as pre dating? (I just formed that in my head). Instead of straight out stating his plans of dating me, shouldn’t he have asked preliminary questions and gather data that’ll give him something to talk about when he does take me on a date?
Should I say yes, what will he talk about? Do we seat there and stare into each other’s face?
This dating thing is hard, I give up. Someone please get me cats and a knitting pin with wool. I like purple and pink, thank you.