Gentlemen and ladies, girls and boys,
I’m almost 30 years old, I don’t have a lot of things figured out yet, but one thing I know for sure after almost three decades on this earth is; menstruation may not be for me.
Yes, I know… I’m a woman, it’s natural and all that jazz. But listen, I can’t seem to master how to control and keep this bloody wonder in check.
Well, to be fair, it’s not so much menstruation’s fault. I think it’s my inability to find a pad that works. (However, I’m hopeful, my daughter, in the future, will manage this better than I am. I’ve written her a manual on what to expect. )
About a year ago or so, I remember writing the Nigerian Husband about a menstruation accident I had.
Believe folks, no matter how prepared I think I am, I always end up having accidents. For the most part, my circle is regular and I rarely ever go without knowing when my period is due to arrive. I just seem to be caught off guard by how heavy it flows. (Thanks to a visit to the gynecologist, I know the cause of the bleeding. We’ll talk about fibroids on another post.)
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I used regular pads. At some point even, I began to wonder why grocery stores carried anything but regular pads.
As I approached mid twenties and my period began flowing like the red sea, I saw the need to use not-so-regular-flow sanitary pads. I thought that would have lasted only a while until I got back to my regular pads. The joke was on me.
Then I discovered overnight pads. Initially, they worked. I didn’t have to worry about leakage and all that.
Boys and girls, once again, I’ve been let down by pads.
In the past few months, overnight pads haven’t done their duty.
For example, today, I thought I was adequately prepared and armed to block all leakage.
I got to the office, attempted to do some work, left the office several times, including for lunch and an interview. I walked up and down the street with so much confidence.
When I got back to the office, I decided to go make sure I could carry on the day with my confidence.
Darn period had to have the upper hand.
Little did I know that I walked around town with stains on my pants.
I’m giving up, I’m throwing in the towel.
You’re darned if you don’t and darned if you do. So with that in mind, I’m just not going to wear any pads, in fact, I’m done with menstruation.
Can’t I just get an sms on my phone monthly telling me I’m not pregnant? As if leaking is not enough, I still have to deal with period pains from hell.
Ah Ah, is it by force? I don’t want it anymore.
On a slightly more serious note,I think it’s about time these companies start catering to women with heavy periods. I don’t mean just plain heavy periods, I mean super heavy, embarrassingly heavy, and I-Must-Leak- All- The-Time heavy periods.
I look at some of the sanitary pads on the market and wonder if they are paper towel. Some of them can barely even cover the entire length of my crotch.
And before anyone suggests tampons, I don’t know how effective that thing will be at sucking up all the blood I shed every month.
I’m done. Period.