Dear Nigerian Husband,
It’s been many weeks since I last wrote you. A lot has gone on, but they may be inconsequential for now.
I’ll shoot straight.
I’m afraid your North Eastern Nigerian family members may be looking to come kick me out of my matrimonial home if
they hear of the atrocity I committed.
We all know masa – rice cake – is a big, or not, thing for northerners. Those in the northeast are said to do it best. Apparently, there’s a special school where masa making is taught in Bauchi State. (Not true.)
So in my quest to place myself in the league of good wives of men from the Northeast, I charged myself with making masa.
So, I called my Aunty, a caterer, and she furnished me with a recipe. I also searched online to see other variations and compare. I mean, they all looked somewhat alike and easy to follow, or so I thought.
While home sometime last year, my mother stocked me up with the special rice used for masa and of course, the traditional pan used in making the delicacy. So I set out to prepare masa following the steps outlined in my aunty’s recipe. I followed it almost to the “T.”
My plan was to knock you off your feet after the first bite. Oh was I shocked.
After a few hours of waiting on the paste to rise, I figured it was time to start frying the masa. The time to finally reaffirm that indeed, I am worth every penny you paid over my head. Imagine the disappointment on my face when the rice paste sat there glaring me in the face and not caking up as typical masa does.
I could feel my heart drop to my stomach. I mean, my status as a Northeastern wife was dependent on this. With such a disaster, not only do I stand to be a laughing stock before other Fulani and Adamawa women, I could possibly be ostracized by my Fulani in-laws.
Look, I think they were so kind to not expect me to know how to make the perfect Fura da Nono ( the best organic yoghurt out there) but the least they’d be expecting, I can’t deliver.
This is it!
For the foreseeable future, I shall practice masa until I perfect it. My name shall be called upon when the names of masa chefs are being called.
Infact, I think I will be presenting the successful masa wearing the traditional Fulani attire, hairstyle, body enhancements and all.
Yours in marriage,