I greet you all in the name of our Lord Jesus.
On December 1, 2018, you voluntarily walked in the home of my fathers. We welcomed you warmly and asked what the intention of your visit was.
“Our son, who never leaves Yola, Kaduna or Abuja, all of a sudden began making unusual trips to Jos. We got worried and decided
to probe these strange visits,” your representative said.
“We investigated and realised he saw a flower in this house and therefore, our father has asked us to come to pluck it and plant it in our house.”
During that visit, you expressed interest in having me change my last name, which I’ve had since birth, to yours. My people agreed. I’m now Usman, not Gyang.
Needless to say, your son has been more than kind to me. He has been generous, loving and sweet. Thank you.
But that’s not the reason I’m writing you this beautiful bright Lagos morning. In the last 11 months, I want to think I’ve also been a beautiful wife to your son. I have cooked, I have cleaned, I have prayed and I have served, all with joy.
However, today being Throw Back Thursday, I’ve been going through my old pictures and I’m once again reminded of what a beautiful woman I am. And perhaps, at the time of the negotiations for the bride price, you may have been undercharged.
Your family is a very upstanding one and doesn’t believe in short changing people.
Therefore, based on the “re-realisation” of this beauty I behold, I hereby request that on December 1, you return to the home of my fathers and top up on your initial payments.
(Is this the right place to put a disclaimer that all this is for fun? Everything required of my in-laws was paid in full and joyfully so.)