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My In-laws May Not Be Happy.

Dear Nigerian Husband,

It’s been many weeks since I last wrote you. A lot has gone on, but they may be inconsequential for now.

I’ll shoot straight.
I’m afraid your North Eastern Nigerian family members may be looking to come kick me out of my matrimonial home if

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Award-winning Ogbono Soup.

This soup won awards, I’m in my house, come and beat me.

Dear Nigerian Husband,

I’m beginning to feel sorry for you.

See while you’re still stacking and working hard to come pay bride price, it appears the stakes may be getting higher; you may need to work a tad bit harder. I’m this close to being worried that by the time you bring your people to meet my people, you may not be able to afford my bride price.
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To Myself, With Love.

In your face Santa!

In your face Santa!

Dear Nigerian Husband,
Firstly, I’ll like to apologize for not writing you for so long. In the second week of December, something seemingly bad (well, a blessing in disguise really) happened and I found myself emotionally incapable of writing you any letter. I’m doing better now, so I’m writing you sort of like an update.

By the way, happy new year. I had an uneventful New Year celebration, but hey… it’s 2015 and I’m happy, healthy and grateful to God.

Back to the matter.

After whatever occurred in the beginning of December happened, I thought Christmas was going to be a sad one like Christmas had been for the past four years. I just couldn’t imagine that happening, so I took things into my own hands,

And to heck with Santa Claus, I was not about to leave my Christmas excitement up to him. I live in the Caribbean, there’s no snow and as such he can’t possibly make his way down here.

For Christmas to be different, I needed to do things I had never done at Christmas time before. My apartment needed a face-lift, I’ve never had a Christmas tree in my apartment, I’ve never hosted Christmas lunch at my home and such.
Christmas had to be fun this year. For a change, I decided to get me a Christmas present first, then other things would follow.  It so happened I had to cover a street fair on VIrgin Gorda. that weekend. While taking pictures, I saw an item I thought would make a great present to myself. I knew you- my Nigerian Husband- weren’t going to be sending me any Christmas presents, so I had to do it myself.
I bought that item and wrapped it up a few days before Christmas and placed it under the tree I had already bought and decorated.

Before Christmas, I had invited a few friends to come over for lunch at my house. On the menu, i had baked ham, baked turkey, chin chin, salad, Jollof rice, corn and plantains. There was a lot for folks to drink. I ended up Christmas day with so much love and a few other presents under the tree for me.
All these preparations and celebrations aside, I was particularly glad for the reason of the season- the birth of Christ. I think Christmas should be a time to share and show love, so I decided to make my apartment a home and also share love with friends.

But that aside though, this Christmas for me, was a way of marking new beginnings, the start of happier times and the beginning of me loving myself more.

Dear Nigerian Husband, you can stay wherever you are if you want. You can also show up if you want to, but till then, I’ll continue doing things that make me happy. I’ve come to realize that if I can’t make myself happy, there’s nothing you can do to make me happy.

I still have my Christmas present under the tree. I’m still anxious to see what I bought myself for Christmas. lol

Live, love, laugh, fart out loud and be silly, life is too short.

Vou

Jollof Rice, A Meal For Royalty.

My Dear Nigerian Husband,

I noticed you’ve not been in contact with me as much lately. I hope you’re not transferring your anger over Jamie Oliver’s jollof rice recipe on me.

I guess like many other West Africans, you too never noticed that the widely criticized chef posted that his disgrace of a jollof rice recipe since June. Me too, I didn’t notice. Just imagine how many innocent Jamie Oliver followers have been mislead. Cheeeiiiii.

It only occurred to me this evening when I was on Instagram and I came across rants over British Chef, Jamie Oliver’s “interpretation” of the sacred jollof rice.
Dear Nigerian Husband, apparently, this famous chef saw it fit to- like many chefs- have a twist to the very sacred jollof rice.

As you and I know, jollof rice has caused and continues to cause tension between West Africans for many years. More so between Nigerians and Ghanaians. Each West African country claims to have the best jollof rice.

Dear future husband of mine, as we both have learned from out fore parents, when two or more elephants are fighting, ants dare not show their faces. Jamie Oliver clearly never heard about that proverb, he decided to knowingly or unknowingly jump into the fight about Jollof Rice.

Whether you’re from Nigeria, Ghana, Sierra Leone, Gambia or Togo, we all know that you follow the basics of making jollof rice religiously. How dare you talk about Jollof Rice without talking about blended tomatoes, bell peppers, scotch bonnet and onions? Oh dear, this big time chef decided his own recipe will be different, he thought it wise to tell his viewers/readers that they can include whole vegetables, lemon wedge and even- you can’t believe it- whole cherry tomatoes on the vine.

Jesu!!!!

My dear Nigerian Husband, it’s a known fact- between my siblings, family members and very few close friends at least- that I’m not the best cook in the world, but I can never ever include whole vegetables and lemon in jollof rice. I joined in the chorus of many pissed-off West Africans on the internet. The thing pain me… When I glanced at the photo, i barely noticed rice in it and sincerely thought it was salad of some sort. How could he?

Mr. Oliver needs to focus on making better chips and fish rather than finding ways to desecrate a meal that has been passed on from generation to generation. Jollof rice is a meal of kings and queens.

Dear husband of mine. You need to do something about that chef’s recipe. I know even you can make better jollof rice.

Just as the Spanish regard paella highly, the mexicans regard burritos, Jamaicans respect and honor Red Stripe and Jerk chicken, we West Africans honor jollof rice!