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10,000 Before 10. 

I’m reclaiming my time, sorry, my abs.

I’ve been so unfit, lazy and eaten all the things that easily disolve any amount of packs your abs may feign.


A few weeks ago, I went on the scale and the number I saw, Continue reading

Bring Back My Shoe.

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Yes, I want my shoe back.

I’ve been back on my fitness grind and all excited with the little changes I’m seeing on my body. Needless to say, the results have been fueling me to keep going.

Hence, this morning, I got up early, packed all my work stuff, got changed into my work out wear and got extra clothes.(Plan was to exercise, shower at the gym then be at the office early)
I’ll be covering an assignment tonight and may not have the time to attend aerobics this evening.

I was all excited and was even thinking of which songs I’ll workout to when I get to the gym. The last step was to wear my shoes…

I found just the right shoe and

couldn’t find the left leg!

Certainly, this shoe has got to be under the couch on the porch.. Phssss, it wasn’t! Next, I thought my neighbors were playing a prank on me.

Immediately, I thought my Jamaican neighbor had it. I was sitting on the ‘throne’ this morning when I saw his him pass by on my porch.  I was convinced he had them and was even telling my landlord that the neighbor must stop being silly.

I got mad but not super mad. I was sure I’ll walk upstairs and he’ll just hand over my shoe. Again, I was wrong. He didn’t have my shoe.

My exercise plans came crashing down right before my eyes!!! I couldn’t workout this morning.

I’m mourning the loss of my shoe. It may look really old, ugly, big, uncool and all that nonsense, but I want it back! That’s my only exercise shoe! Bring back my shoe!

This pair of Nike sneakers has seen me through a lot. It’s seen me through one break-up, several stressful days and even many happy days.

 

I’ve done many 5 mi + runs with this pair. This shoe has anchored me on several socarobic and aerobic sessions.

The last time that shoe was seen was Saturday evening while I was cleaning my apartment. It was right in front of my door beside the couch. There was no sign of any suspicious activities going on.

I even wore it on Saturday to the gym. If I knew that was the last time I’d be seeing it, I would have stayed at the gym longer. This isn’t the life I bargained for this week. I hoped I’ll eat right, work out like a pro and burn a lot of calories! 😦

I want my shoe back!

Now my only guess as to the whereabouts of this shoe is- the neighbor’s dog must have been a bit too excited and ran off with my dear Nike shoe.
The first time I saw that dog, I didn’t quite like it. If you ask me, I’d say the dog is silly and stupid. How can a dog be too friendly to just randomly run to your apartment and want to jump on your lap? sigh.No dog, we aren’t cool. you can’t just run around the place like we’ve been friends. I mean, even the landlord’s dog, which i’ve known for years doesn’t dare come by my apartment without my permission.

Anyway, I think my neighbor’s pest pet, may have gone away with my shoe,

I want my shoe back 😦

Folks, I’m accepting donations for a new pair. While you all flood me with requests on how to donate, I’m also accepting free espionage services as well as intelligence on how

we can recover my shoe.

Vou

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Meanwhile, I got these yesterday afternoon! You needed to see me working out at the gym… I felt so flyyyyyy!

For The Lungs

Gentlemen and ladies, girls and boys,

No kidding, this week, I got back on my running grind.

This time It is for real. Like no looking back, no procrastinating. All that is for punks… ( I can’t even keep a straight face while saying that coz I know I’m describing myself right there!)

I stopped running consistently sometime towards the end of 2013 and needless to say, the extra pounds found their way back to several parts of my body. I’ve gone to the gym since then and I think that may have helped in keeping me somewhat in shape and balanced.

However, the weight hasn’t gone down as fast as I want it to.

So I took to the streets…Literally.

After work on Monday, I got my running shoes plus workout clothes and headed out west. I was rather slow and stopped a few times along the 3-plus mi route, but I completed the run nonetheless.

The next day, Tuesday, I downloaded Runkeeper, an application that tracks your distance, the amount of calories burnt your pace and heart rate (I think).

Downloading that app gave me an extra push. That day, I was able to cover 3.8mi and stopped just once for a few seconds. The next day, I went over  4 miles and the same for Thursday too, without stopping.

I felt like a pro. Even though I know for a fact I may have looked like an idiot to people who drove by, in my mind, I saw myself like one of those long distance Kenyan/Ethiopian runners. In my mind, my body was all slim and trimmed, my legs stretching out in long strides, afro blowing in the wind, sweat streaming down my body, game face on…. okay, back to reality.

Considering I’ll be sleeping in town this weekend, I decided to go for a run this morning. I mean, It’s Saturday- that day you’re expected to sleep in and just lazy in bed right?

I was tempted to just stay in bed and not worry about exercising till Monday, but I remembered last night during a Skype conversation, my best friend Fareeza challenged me. She thought I’ll just put off running. I also remembered that I’ll be helping out with a BBQ on Sunday and of course, this means I probably will eat more than usual.

Though I was lazy and somewhat unmotivated this morning, I managed to complete 3 miles. I did stop and walked several times and for as long as a minute though.

Usually when I run or exercise, I think of phrases to chant or keep reminding myself of reasons I exercise. Most times during the aerobics at the gym the phrase to chant while staring at the mirror is “summer body! summer body!” Just kidding! (Not really)
And for when I run it is “pain is sign of fear living the body.”
But this morning, all of those silly new-agey phrases were thrown out the window. I dedicated the run to my lungs.

I’ve decided each run will be dedicated to one organ or part of my body or the other.

I did it for the lungs. Even though I didn’t go hard as usual, I’m glad I’m alive and healthy to exercise. I’m glad I got to witness the sun rise this morning. I was grateful for the sea breeze, the birds that chirped.

Having morning devotion while running was really fun. Usually, I’d run with fast paced music, but this morning, it was nice, soft but loud and uplifting in a sense.

I did it for my lungs today. It’s the kidney’s turn on Monday.

Oh and at some point too, I’ve got to dedicate one of my runs to The Nigerian Husband. I think for that one, I may want to wear all my wife material. I need something to show off like a peacock. That one will be a royal run. I’ve got to run for that Nigerian Husband oh! He deserves it! (I need prayers…lol this thing is becoming a bit too crazy for my liking! hahahah… but then, who cares right?)

(Now, let’s go photograph a wedding shall we?)

Smile, laugh, love, live, fart and be silly, life is terribly short.

Vou

Weekend Away

Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen,

Remember during the Christmas holidays I attempted to make chin chin and failed miserably? Without any question, I was certain no Nigerian man would marry me. My already limited and struggling wife material just reduced by 50 yards.

I knocked myself hard for weeks over that failed mission. To compensate though, I tried to cook pounded yam and vegetable soup. Apparently I did well on that. I must add though, those compliments came from folks who aren’t from Nigeria. Hence, not knowing much about Nigerian food, they had nothing to compare my meal with. However, I think I hit the spot.

But ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, there’s hope for me.

I spent my weekend with a Nigerian friend of mine. This girl loves to cook and lovessssss to feed people.
I looked forward to spending time with her family and enjoying some Nigerian meals. Secretly though, I dreaded all the feeding, considering the fact that over the last two weeks, I had  people pelting at me their opinions on my weight. ( On one of such days, this lady I used to attend morning aerobics classes with told me  I put on so much weight and I’m now fat. Less than 24 hours later, this other lady saw me and asked why I had lost so much weight. The following morning, this other lady saw me and asked “how’s the baby?” She thought I was pregnant. A few days later, another one told me to tell her the secret to putting on weight.)

Before I got to her house on Saturday, I made sure I worked out extra hard at the gym that morning. I knew there’ll be no escape routes when it came to food at that house. During my previous visit to her house, she blatantly told me “Nne, biko eat some food, see as you’re skinny.”

Anyways, at my friend’s house over the weekend, I learnt to  make egusi soup, I fed the baby, I observed as she made okra soup (calm down, I can cook okra soup. It’s just that she made hers differently)

And the best part of this weekend sleep over was the chin chin. On Sunday after church, laundry, a plate of garri and okra soup, we made chin chin.

As I type, I have a 978 gram/2 lbs peanut butter jar filled with chin chin being displayed on my desk. I plan on taking some to another Nigerian girl who hasn’t had chin chin in ages.

I can almost boast among my peers again. I think with my chin chin game getting back on track, I can look forward to being a good Nigerian wife.
Dear future husband, I’m really doing my best to make sure when your friends come visit you, they’ll have lots of food to eat!

Boys and girls, this has been yet another senseless post. (I know, this post made no sense at all, but I had to post something… It’s been more than a month I actually posted anything here.

Smile, laugh, love, fart and be silly; life is too short

Vou

“Are You in Your 30s’?”

This is it!

I’m done not going to the gym. I’m done eating in excess all the things I shouldn’t really eat. I’ll begin working out again with a vengeance.

No more slacking during aerobics, no more screaming when my trainer pushes me to do more sets. I quit being a punk and such a weakling.

This morning shall never repeat itself.

After working off my butt at the gym, I decided to stop at the makeup store right next door to see if I can get an item or two.
As I sat down there with the lady testing out foundation on my face, she looked at me and randomly said “Are you in your 30s?”

Say what?!?

Just about a month ago, the guy I’ve been secretly crushing on at the gym told me he thought I was 19 years old (Can I just say how handsome he is, how much of a motivation he sometimes is at the gym? No? I can’t? Okay I wont say then 😦  ) Surely I couldn’t have possibly aged that much in less than a month.

I mean, that guy totally told me he avoided making a pass at me due to the fact that I was so young. How then could this woman think I’m in my thirties? My fashion taste isn’t like a typical 25/26 year-old, so I’ll sort of get where this woman was coming from.

Whatever made her feel she could just blurt out such an assumption, I shall never know. 😦

Apparently, my complexion has changed and this is likely to happen more with women in their 30s’ due to hormonal changes or unbalance, said this makeup consultant. Sigh. The first time I ever bought makeup, about three years ago, I got it from her store. She used a darker shade on me then and as such, is able to tell my shade is lighter, she said.

Well, this is it, I guess me exercising and trying to stay healthy with healthier food choices, has got nothing to do with my complexion change.

All I could do was laugh to her face, but of course inside I was trembling like a Nigerian Kid about to be lashed in front of the school assembly. Right there and then, I made up my mind to start working out insanely as I did this time last year when I was working out with a red dress for Christmas as my goal/destination.

I’ll give myself a few more weeks of reasonably extreme workouts then visit that lady’s store again. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll come up with a different age. Maybe younger! Sigh

Again, this has been another senseless post 🙂

Smile, laugh, play, eat, fart and be silly. Life is too short.

Overcoming Fears

Hello folks,
One day, I’ll be consistent with this blog thing. TIll then, here’s an article for work this week. Enjoy

🙂

I’ve never been scared of heights. At least, that’s what I thought before Tuesday. Strapped into a harness and hooked into a zip-line on a two-storey-high platform overlooking Johnsons Ghut, I saw things differently.

“Can I just go back down? I’ll watch you guys zip through,” I told Jeana James, one of the tour guides of Original Virgin Canopy Tours.

Starting in a few weeks, the company, which has been five years in the making, will offertours through the tops of trees via zip-lines.

“Family members saw some business prospects there,” said Managing Director John Shirley. “We decided to have something green without having to disturb too much of the environment.”

For Ms. James who recently underwent a five-week intensive training, my hesitation was not new. She assured me I would be okay.

Besides, I had met the requirements to go on the tour: I am significantly less than 270 pounds; I’m able to walk and run for more than five miles; and I had “sufficient mobility” to climb up the 10-foot ladder to the starting platform. Plus, I was not intoxicated, as

I stated on the waiver I signed in advance.

So I took a deep breath and stepped off the platform.

Soon, I was zipping through the hills at the level of the treetops.

Amidst the excitement, somewhere in my mind, I could hear part of the territorial song playing: “Oh, beautiful Virgin Islands, your qualities can never be denied.” For a little under a minute, I felt like a bird.

On another platform about 200 feet away, another guide, Mario Reyes, was waiting to make sure I landed safely.

Mr. Reyes unhooked me from the line and guided me to another platform. After each platform, we climbed down a ladder and walked to another along a trail bordered with guavaberries, which we picked and ate.

After three zip-line rides and about an hour, the tour was over.

Tour guide
Throughout the day, Mr. Reyes, who became a zip-line tour guide 15 years ago in his native Costa Rica, zipped along with ease. He rotated with such easy command that he was able to snap a few photos of me as I approached each stop. The territory’s green vegetation and hills make the tour different from similar projects in other countries, Mr. Reyes explained.

Mr. Shirley said the tour is an activity that allows family and friends to spend time together. “A lot of this is about overcoming some of your fears,” he said.

I could relate.

Preserving the Sexy!

It’s no longer called “exercising,” but “preserving the sexy.” Yup sue me! lol…

I’ve been doing a really good job working out. I run at least three times a week and I’ve increased my distance to about 6 miles or so…and then I go to the gym twice a week.

I love the gym but there are a few things that tick me off. But then, maybe it’s just me being too touchy.

The last time I was at the gym, this lady who I think is new to the class, kept yelling out instructions simultaneously with the gym instructor. Like woman please shut up! I really don’t like it when people do that. My mind is wired to listening to only one person at a time. More than one voice at a time screaming at me sends me bunkers.  One of these good days, if she keeps on screaming, I’ll have to go have a conversation with her. When I used to go to the 5:30 a.m. classes, I had to walk out of the gym one morning. This elderly woman used to do the same darn scream thing too. My options one morning was to help her close her mouth or walk out. I did the latter.

And then, you have the guys at the gym who find it very difficult to keep their eyes to themselves. During my first week at the gym, those stares got me so self conscious that, on several occasions, I opted not to use certain work out machines, especially if there were guys around. Took me a few weeks to get over the pervs. I’m sure they still stare but I pay them less mind now. But there’s this Jamaican dude who stares uncontrollably all the blessed time. One day, and I mean really soon, I might have to deliver him a sermon on what not to do at the gym.

This one has to be the top of the list for me. People who fart!
This has happened at least three times. So you’ll be there working out, trying hard not to breath in too much of the sweaty air in the room, then some smarty decides to open their rare gate. I may have to resort to a “If-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them,” kind of strategy. sigh.

There are several other little things I’m not too keen of at the gym. I think I’ll stop here for now least I sound too grumpy.

Again, this has been another senseless post 🙂