Tag Archive | Instagram

He unfollowed me on Instagram; my life is over! 

I woke up early this morning knowing I have a packed day and as such didn’t make any provision for folks messing with my time. 

I got to my 9 a.m appointment and the guy wasn’t there. Mind you, I was there to photograph this group of guys as a favor. One would imagine they would bend backwards to accommodate me, but no, I had to be doing the bending. It’s 2015, I’m done with that, but I still managed to tap into my good side and scheduled another time with them.

Moved to my next appointment, which was scheduled to start at 9 a.m. I got there at about 9:30 and they were no where close to beginning.

To calm my nerves, I took a selfie and posted it on Instagram. (Yes, I’m sometimes vain like that. It has nothing to do with the fact that I feel beautiful today or anything to do with the purple wrap dress I have on. Thanks) Posted the photo and carried on with myassignment.

Got back to the office and saw instagram notifications. A number of likes and one comment. This comment was from a friend of mine in Nigeria informing me that he had unfollowed me.

My life instantly fell apart! How could he unfollow me, doesn’t he know my life revolves round instagram and the number of followers I have? How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing I have one less follower? How can he be this cruel?

I need to formally apologise to this guy for not following him back in the first place. I need to apologise for not finding his life and Instagram content interesting enough.

Life will never be the same until he follows me back!

I’m putting all my articles on hold until I rectify this issue.

Is this post sarcastic enough?

Vou

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Let’s Talk About…..Menstruation!

Dear Nigerian Husband,

Please, by all means, think/read this post as a private conversation between you and I. I’m keeping in mind your traditional and conventional way of life, hence I’m choosing to keep this menstruation talk between us.

Just a few hours ago on Instagram, i posted a photograph and a friend of mine commented, asking me to get in touch with her. A follower who happens to be a friend of hers, tried to jokingly spark a conversation and asked to be included in the private message we were about to have off Instagram.

However, he asked to be excluded in the event our private conversation is about “women’s health issues.”
He was just joking of course…(I think)

But it got me thinking and asking myself why discussing women’s health issues publicly or with males tend to be an abomination.
With that in mind, I decided I’ll write you, my Nigerian Husband, on what you feel about this.

My Dear Nigerian Husband, what’s so shameful in talking about what nature has bestowed on women? I think. it’s nothing to be shy or embarrassed about.

(No, wait, you only get somewhat embarrassed when your clothes get stained during menstruation. I’d save you the horror of reading of all the times I’ve walked around town oblivious of the red map stamped on my dress/trousers/skirts. I seriously won’t tell you about the pains I go through some months during my menstruation.)

Look My Dear Nigerian Husband, I’m only trying to find out why folks think I must have 100+  terms to substitute for menstruation. It’s natural and biological.

I’m tired of having to tell folks “I’m not feeling well,” instead of saying “I have menstrual cramps,” each time they inquire if I’m feeling alright when I appear ill. (Mostly at the end of the month.)

I’m tired of having to hide my Always Ultra Thin Overnight pad each time I’m heading to the bathroom to change a soiled pad. I want to be able to just hold it out if and when I feel like.

ImageEven as I was taking, the photo attached to this ‘letter,’ a male colleague walked up to my cubicle, when he noticed the pads and tampons on display, he just blurted out “Oh Jesus,” and walked away. My dear understanding Nigerian Husband, these are the type of situations I do not like.

I know many posts on this blog have embarrassed you. I’m sure this isn’t going to be one of them. This is a conversation between you and I. I just had to get in touch with you after that guy on Instagram asked not to be included in any discussions on women’s health issues.

Sorry for taking too much of your time. We all know you’re a busy man and your day is filled with meaningful activities aimed at building a very beautiful and bright future for the family we will have.

Yours in love
Vou