Tag Archive | Jollof Rice

The Nigerian Husband.

I got married to a handsome man today. (Before we adopted western culture, all we needed to testify a marriage was the paying of the bride price/dowry. Mine was paid today, so I’m married)

A few years ago when I began writing about The Nigerian Husband, I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, not to talk of that person being Nigerian. I simply just had fun with the idea of dating a typical Nigerian man, or rather the idea of creating the ideal man in my mind.

Mostly, I created this character of a man who was somewhat traditional yet open minded among others attributes.

After writing about that character for at least four years and laughing at myself along with others, this handsome man who fit allllllll of the characteristics I had written about showed up.
After dating long distance for, say, a year or so, and dating in person for another year, or so, today, December 1, we got married traditionally.

My heart is filled with so much joy and happiness, I’m excited to see all the good things God has planned for the future of the Nigerian Husband and me.

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I Was in A Fight.

I’m sorry for not writing anything for so long, but please, let’s get to the heart of the matter.

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Me and mom during my visit home in 2013.

My older brother was getting married, and me along with other family members were working so hard to get things together.
Preparing for a typical Nigerian wedding means having your friends, neighbors, family, cousins’ friends’ friends gathering in your home to help cook and put final touches in place.

Needless to say, this big crowd usually brings with it unwanted drama and people who don’t care much about you but your food.

My mom being the loving but always “extra” person she is, decided she wanted to Continue reading

To My Unborn Nigerian Daughter.

Dear Nigerian Daughter,
I’ve written your dad – The Nigerian Husband- several letters and he refused to reply a single one of them despite my threats of not cooking for him and the threat of many men coming at me.

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But of course, this has nothing to do with you. I’m writing you on an issue I faced as a young girl in my twenties and an issue you’ll face when you get to that age. I’m not worried though, you’ll heed to my advice.

You are a queen and never settle for anyone treating you less than the royalty you are.

See, my unborn daughter, when I was in my twenties, I made the terrible mistake of allowing a dude treat me less than a queen. Thankfully, I got out in time to realise my worth. You my dear, won’t have to deal with that.

Never for one day should you let any man make you think you’re not worth being chased. If he likes/loves you, he will do whatever it takes to show you. You won’t have to fight it out of him. NEVER DO THAT! If he likes/loves you, he will call you every single day, he will text you, he will be in touch, simple! (Well, in my days, we dealt with cellphones, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Facetime and the likes. I don’t expect you to keep up with all those old time social media platforms.) I digress.

If he is really into you, he’ll travel to wherever it takes to prove that to you. If he wants to be with you, he’ll do all it takes to be with you and if he doesn’t want to, he’ll make excuses.

You, my daughter, are worthy of love. You’re worthy of being chased by a man. You are worth being wooed!  You shall not settle for a man who thinks you must follow him. If you have to do all the calling and reaching out, child, you’re in the wrong relationship.

See during my time, at some point, I thought letting the guy do all the wooing was too traditional. What an error! You can be unconventional in allllllll areas of your life, but you must remain traditional when it comes to relationships, well not all areas, but most.

My Unborn Nigerian Daughter, you deserve to have a man who will pray with you and help you grow spiritually. If he doesn’t do that, then he may not have my blessing. I’m sure your father won’t approve either. You deserve a man who will kneel before God on your behalf. You are our princess, you deserve that. Never for once think you have to lower your standards to accommodate any man. If he wants you, he will upgrade his standards to meet you half way or even higher standards for you to look up to.

Listen child, there are many good men out there, don’t let the bad few make you give up. Heck, you won’t have to search is my whole point.

My Unborn Nigerian Daughter, you are Jollof Rice, don’t settle for anyone treating you like plain, bland white rice. Jollof rice takes time to prepare, but it comes out the best. Not everyone can make jollof rice. I may be up there in age, but I’m still perfecting the art of cooking Jollof Rice. Anyone can cook white rice (Well, almost everyone- it took me a while to get it right, but it’s easy nonetheless)

You my daughter, you’re garri soaked with milk, groundnuts, kuli kuli and lots of sugar, don’t let anyone treat you like plain, simple soaked garri without sugar. Child, you are Peak Milk, don’t let anyone treat you like common Cow Bell Milk. You are suya roasted by the best Bauchi man, don’t let anyone treat you like badly prepared fried chicken from Mr. Biggs.

You are my Princess and a queen to the right man. Don’t let anyone treat you any less!

Warm regards,

Your mother
P:S I won’t even let any of these happen to you. I’ll be watching you ALL the time. Any man who seeks you should know if they mess with you, they might not have two legs for the rest of their lives. I’m done.

To Myself, With Love.

In your face Santa!

In your face Santa!

Dear Nigerian Husband,
Firstly, I’ll like to apologize for not writing you for so long. In the second week of December, something seemingly bad (well, a blessing in disguise really) happened and I found myself emotionally incapable of writing you any letter. I’m doing better now, so I’m writing you sort of like an update.

By the way, happy new year. I had an uneventful New Year celebration, but hey… it’s 2015 and I’m happy, healthy and grateful to God.

Back to the matter.

After whatever occurred in the beginning of December happened, I thought Christmas was going to be a sad one like Christmas had been for the past four years. I just couldn’t imagine that happening, so I took things into my own hands,

And to heck with Santa Claus, I was not about to leave my Christmas excitement up to him. I live in the Caribbean, there’s no snow and as such he can’t possibly make his way down here.

For Christmas to be different, I needed to do things I had never done at Christmas time before. My apartment needed a face-lift, I’ve never had a Christmas tree in my apartment, I’ve never hosted Christmas lunch at my home and such.
Christmas had to be fun this year. For a change, I decided to get me a Christmas present first, then other things would follow.  It so happened I had to cover a street fair on VIrgin Gorda. that weekend. While taking pictures, I saw an item I thought would make a great present to myself. I knew you- my Nigerian Husband- weren’t going to be sending me any Christmas presents, so I had to do it myself.
I bought that item and wrapped it up a few days before Christmas and placed it under the tree I had already bought and decorated.

Before Christmas, I had invited a few friends to come over for lunch at my house. On the menu, i had baked ham, baked turkey, chin chin, salad, Jollof rice, corn and plantains. There was a lot for folks to drink. I ended up Christmas day with so much love and a few other presents under the tree for me.
All these preparations and celebrations aside, I was particularly glad for the reason of the season- the birth of Christ. I think Christmas should be a time to share and show love, so I decided to make my apartment a home and also share love with friends.

But that aside though, this Christmas for me, was a way of marking new beginnings, the start of happier times and the beginning of me loving myself more.

Dear Nigerian Husband, you can stay wherever you are if you want. You can also show up if you want to, but till then, I’ll continue doing things that make me happy. I’ve come to realize that if I can’t make myself happy, there’s nothing you can do to make me happy.

I still have my Christmas present under the tree. I’m still anxious to see what I bought myself for Christmas. lol

Live, love, laugh, fart out loud and be silly, life is too short.

Vou

Jollof Rice, A Meal For Royalty.

My Dear Nigerian Husband,

I noticed you’ve not been in contact with me as much lately. I hope you’re not transferring your anger over Jamie Oliver’s jollof rice recipe on me.

I guess like many other West Africans, you too never noticed that the widely criticized chef posted that his disgrace of a jollof rice recipe since June. Me too, I didn’t notice. Just imagine how many innocent Jamie Oliver followers have been mislead. Cheeeiiiii.

It only occurred to me this evening when I was on Instagram and I came across rants over British Chef, Jamie Oliver’s “interpretation” of the sacred jollof rice.
Dear Nigerian Husband, apparently, this famous chef saw it fit to- like many chefs- have a twist to the very sacred jollof rice.

As you and I know, jollof rice has caused and continues to cause tension between West Africans for many years. More so between Nigerians and Ghanaians. Each West African country claims to have the best jollof rice.

Dear future husband of mine, as we both have learned from out fore parents, when two or more elephants are fighting, ants dare not show their faces. Jamie Oliver clearly never heard about that proverb, he decided to knowingly or unknowingly jump into the fight about Jollof Rice.

Whether you’re from Nigeria, Ghana, Sierra Leone, Gambia or Togo, we all know that you follow the basics of making jollof rice religiously. How dare you talk about Jollof Rice without talking about blended tomatoes, bell peppers, scotch bonnet and onions? Oh dear, this big time chef decided his own recipe will be different, he thought it wise to tell his viewers/readers that they can include whole vegetables, lemon wedge and even- you can’t believe it- whole cherry tomatoes on the vine.

Jesu!!!!

My dear Nigerian Husband, it’s a known fact- between my siblings, family members and very few close friends at least- that I’m not the best cook in the world, but I can never ever include whole vegetables and lemon in jollof rice. I joined in the chorus of many pissed-off West Africans on the internet. The thing pain me… When I glanced at the photo, i barely noticed rice in it and sincerely thought it was salad of some sort. How could he?

Mr. Oliver needs to focus on making better chips and fish rather than finding ways to desecrate a meal that has been passed on from generation to generation. Jollof rice is a meal of kings and queens.

Dear husband of mine. You need to do something about that chef’s recipe. I know even you can make better jollof rice.

Just as the Spanish regard paella highly, the mexicans regard burritos, Jamaicans respect and honor Red Stripe and Jerk chicken, we West Africans honor jollof rice!