Tag Archive | Love

I Believe in Fairy Tales. 

Dear Nigerian Husband,
I’m all shades of mushy today and I think I will be for the rest of the week and beyond.


I’d stay here deceiving myself with words, but we all know they can’t adequately express the level of mushiness I’m on!
So I hope this is sufficient; you’re my fairy tale, I love you.

Regards,
Yours in marriage, eventually,
Nkem…

Beautiful Man II

Many of my posts from now on might be titled Beautiful Man, and we are all going to deal with it, won’t we?

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With that out the way, every now and then I feel poetic and just a few minutes ago, I came up with this one. Can’t tell you how or why. lol

Let’s Go to Lunch

Beautiful Man, come let’s go to lunch

Let’s walk into the cafe like we own it
Let’s take the table in the middle
Eat while we stare at each other
Make everyone jealous.

Let your jacket match my skirt,
Allow me to fix your tie
Eat from my plate if you wish
Hold my purse if ego permits you

Beautiful Man, come let’s go to lunch

Let’s walk down the road like it’s paved just for us to trod
Let’s just go to lunch, shall well?

Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, I’m waiting on Beautiful Man to take me to lunch.

 

To My Unborn Nigerian Daughter.

Dear Nigerian Daughter,
I’ve written your dad – The Nigerian Husband- several letters and he refused to reply a single one of them despite my threats of not cooking for him and the threat of many men coming at me.

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But of course, this has nothing to do with you. I’m writing you on an issue I faced as a young girl in my twenties and an issue you’ll face when you get to that age. I’m not worried though, you’ll heed to my advice.

You are a queen and never settle for anyone treating you less than the royalty you are.

See, my unborn daughter, when I was in my twenties, I made the terrible mistake of allowing a dude treat me less than a queen. Thankfully, I got out in time to realise my worth. You my dear, won’t have to deal with that.

Never for one day should you let any man make you think you’re not worth being chased. If he likes/loves you, he will do whatever it takes to show you. You won’t have to fight it out of him. NEVER DO THAT! If he likes/loves you, he will call you every single day, he will text you, he will be in touch, simple! (Well, in my days, we dealt with cellphones, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Facetime and the likes. I don’t expect you to keep up with all those old time social media platforms.) I digress.

If he is really into you, he’ll travel to wherever it takes to prove that to you. If he wants to be with you, he’ll do all it takes to be with you and if he doesn’t want to, he’ll make excuses.

You, my daughter, are worthy of love. You’re worthy of being chased by a man. You are worth being wooed!  You shall not settle for a man who thinks you must follow him. If you have to do all the calling and reaching out, child, you’re in the wrong relationship.

See during my time, at some point, I thought letting the guy do all the wooing was too traditional. What an error! You can be unconventional in allllllll areas of your life, but you must remain traditional when it comes to relationships, well not all areas, but most.

My Unborn Nigerian Daughter, you deserve to have a man who will pray with you and help you grow spiritually. If he doesn’t do that, then he may not have my blessing. I’m sure your father won’t approve either. You deserve a man who will kneel before God on your behalf. You are our princess, you deserve that. Never for once think you have to lower your standards to accommodate any man. If he wants you, he will upgrade his standards to meet you half way or even higher standards for you to look up to.

Listen child, there are many good men out there, don’t let the bad few make you give up. Heck, you won’t have to search is my whole point.

My Unborn Nigerian Daughter, you are Jollof Rice, don’t settle for anyone treating you like plain, bland white rice. Jollof rice takes time to prepare, but it comes out the best. Not everyone can make jollof rice. I may be up there in age, but I’m still perfecting the art of cooking Jollof Rice. Anyone can cook white rice (Well, almost everyone- it took me a while to get it right, but it’s easy nonetheless)

You my daughter, you’re garri soaked with milk, groundnuts, kuli kuli and lots of sugar, don’t let anyone treat you like plain, simple soaked garri without sugar. Child, you are Peak Milk, don’t let anyone treat you like common Cow Bell Milk. You are suya roasted by the best Bauchi man, don’t let anyone treat you like badly prepared fried chicken from Mr. Biggs.

You are my Princess and a queen to the right man. Don’t let anyone treat you any less!

Warm regards,

Your mother
P:S I won’t even let any of these happen to you. I’ll be watching you ALL the time. Any man who seeks you should know if they mess with you, they might not have two legs for the rest of their lives. I’m done.

I Found Mr. Right!

Actually, scrap that, “Mr. Right” found me.
Calm down The Contender, ( who am I kidding, I hope that headline made you almost jump off a cliff…lol)

“Mr. Right” found me this morning. One of the very few issues is, he’s not a Nigerian. He’s of Indian descent – nothing close to what I’ve imagined the Nigerian Husband to look like. No big deal though, he’ll still be referred to as the Nigerian Husband.

This man also appears to lack the level of intellect I’ve ways wanted in the Nigerian Husband. He could hardly hold a conversation beyond his mysogynistic mind- again an attribute the Nigerian Husband knows nothing of!

Let me spare you all the long chase.

On my way to town this morning, this “Mr. Right” stopped to give me a lift to town. I wasn’t on the active side of life this morning and simple things like making myself a healthy breakfast was no where on my to do list. My plan was to not lift a finger. But hey, a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do right? ( that’s a stupid phrase Vou)

Anyways, the first thing this “Mr. Right” who I think might be as old as Methuselah said was “do you remember me?”

Immediately, I started scanning through my mental archives of faces I’ve seen and possibly people I’ve had a conversation with. The archive has loads and loads of faces, most of which I wish I can delete and meetings I wish I never had. Lol

There was no way on earth I could remember his face. If I had written an interesting piece about him for the paper, I would have remembered. But hey, this good, old grandpa looking “Mr. Right,” was giving me a lift so I had to at least “remember” his face.
So I said yes! But not yes to remembering his name.

Well, according to this man, the first time he met me, we had a conversation along the lines of me marrying him. (This marriage thing done teeeey oh! Lol)

I was like “what?” That was when he decided to come clean and tell me he was joking! He had to be “Mr. Right.” It takes a genius to come up with such a brilliant conversation starter.

“Mr. Right” went on further to detail most of his life’s story including which restaurants he owns in town, how his wife is fighting him for one of them and which restaurant he’s about to acquire. Oh, he’s about to get a divorce! Perfect! Just what I envisioned for my Nigerian Husband.

I don’t think there are many men as good as this man! He already promised to get me my own car as soon as we start dating and seeing each other exclusively!
I mean, I can’t pass up on this opportunity on being with “Mr. Right!”

He couldn’t understand how a “good looking” woman like me wasn’t married and lived alone! I totally adored the way he lustily stared at me from head to toe as he spoke. How classy!

I’m in awe of his confidence and guts! He straight up told me he’s my “Mr. Right!” And I must look no further.
When I got to my destination, he gave me his number and ordered me to call him for another lift when I’m done with my errands in town.

Move over Contender, I found “Mr. Right.” No, forget that, he found me.

Seriously, I’m done! Lol I can’t take these silly old men hanging loose around the place! They should really be standing as fathers in the community and not predators looking to pounce on the next available “loose,” single and living-alone young lady!

My Dear Nigerian Husband, I hope you’re taking these my stories seriously!

Bye, I need to find a taxi to take me home.

Your Nigerian Wife.