Dear Nigerian Husband,
I’ve got good news and bad new. Which do you want first?
Let’s start with the bad news.
This soup won awards, I’m in my house, come and beat me.
Dear Nigerian Husband,
I’m beginning to feel sorry for you.
See while you’re still stacking and working hard to come pay bride price, it appears the stakes may be getting higher; you may need to work a tad bit harder. I’m this close to being worried that by the time you bring your people to meet my people, you may not be able to afford my bride price.
Boys and girls,
I’m still on the smoothie craze!
Forgive me, soon I’ll be back to writing the Nigerian Husband!
Want to try this out? Here’s what you’ll need:
One large carrot (Grated)
Two bananas (Frozen or not, doesn’t matter)
Three pilled oranges
Two table spoons of lemon juice
1/4 cup of orange juice
Pour orange juice and all liquids into the blender first just to allow the blades of the blender to rotate properly. Follow up with all other ingredients and BINGO, you have you a nice carrot smoothie.
Dear Nigerian Husband,
I’m just about to round off on my letters to you. You’ve been nothing but disrespectful and callous by deciding not to show up.
What you did last night possibly is the proverbial straw that breaks the Carmel’s back.
Let me explain.
After my exercise yesterday, I decided to Continue reading
I love to poke fun at my life, so please don’t take this too seriously, but if you do, I feel sorry for you! lol
Nigerian Husband (Please notice the absence of “Dear.”)
You’re taking this thing too far now. I recall a few months ago, I wrote to you when some guy disrespected me while walking to the office. I also remember writing to you when you refused to show up to bid me a romantic farewell at the airport in Barbados in July.
Something painfully disappointing happened again this morning. This might be the last letter I will write reporting my bad experiences with men who are disrespectful and uncouth.
I left the office to go get me a drink when this guy who works at a law firm not too far from mine stopped to interrogate me.
So this guy who I hardly know and have never said a word to beyond “good morning,” seems very concerned about my personal life. Surely, he should be privy to what I do outside work, i mean, our offices aren’t too far away from each other, he should and must be entitled to such information.
Just when I thought I had heard the most ridiculous questions there could ever be, this man asked “so do you have a boyfriend?” My reply was no. It didn’t stop there. “So why don’t you have any?” he added.
I politely told him that wasn’t on my radar at the moment and then he dropped the bomb… “So are you into men or women?” Continue reading
Dear Nigerian Daughter,
I’ve written your dad – The Nigerian Husband- several letters and he refused to reply a single one of them despite my threats of not cooking for him and the threat of many men coming at me.
But of course, this has nothing to do with you. I’m writing you on an issue I faced as a young girl in my twenties and an issue you’ll face when you get to that age. I’m not worried though, you’ll heed to my advice.
You are a queen and never settle for anyone treating you less than the royalty you are.
See, my unborn daughter, when I was in my twenties, I made the terrible mistake of allowing a dude treat me less than a queen. Thankfully, I got out in time to realise my worth. You my dear, won’t have to deal with that.
Never for one day should you let any man make you think you’re not worth being chased. If he likes/loves you, he will do whatever it takes to show you. You won’t have to fight it out of him. NEVER DO THAT! If he likes/loves you, he will call you every single day, he will text you, he will be in touch, simple! (Well, in my days, we dealt with cellphones, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Facetime and the likes. I don’t expect you to keep up with all those old time social media platforms.) I digress.
If he is really into you, he’ll travel to wherever it takes to prove that to you. If he wants to be with you, he’ll do all it takes to be with you and if he doesn’t want to, he’ll make excuses.
You, my daughter, are worthy of love. You’re worthy of being chased by a man. You are worth being wooed! You shall not settle for a man who thinks you must follow him. If you have to do all the calling and reaching out, child, you’re in the wrong relationship.
See during my time, at some point, I thought letting the guy do all the wooing was too traditional. What an error! You can be unconventional in allllllll areas of your life, but you must remain traditional when it comes to relationships, well not all areas, but most.
My Unborn Nigerian Daughter, you deserve to have a man who will pray with you and help you grow spiritually. If he doesn’t do that, then he may not have my blessing. I’m sure your father won’t approve either. You deserve a man who will kneel before God on your behalf. You are our princess, you deserve that. Never for once think you have to lower your standards to accommodate any man. If he wants you, he will upgrade his standards to meet you half way or even higher standards for you to look up to.
Listen child, there are many good men out there, don’t let the bad few make you give up. Heck, you won’t have to search is my whole point.
My Unborn Nigerian Daughter, you are Jollof Rice, don’t settle for anyone treating you like plain, bland white rice. Jollof rice takes time to prepare, but it comes out the best. Not everyone can make jollof rice. I may be up there in age, but I’m still perfecting the art of cooking Jollof Rice. Anyone can cook white rice (Well, almost everyone- it took me a while to get it right, but it’s easy nonetheless)
You my daughter, you’re garri soaked with milk, groundnuts, kuli kuli and lots of sugar, don’t let anyone treat you like plain, simple soaked garri without sugar. Child, you are Peak Milk, don’t let anyone treat you like common Cow Bell Milk. You are suya roasted by the best Bauchi man, don’t let anyone treat you like badly prepared fried chicken from Mr. Biggs.
You are my Princess and a queen to the right man. Don’t let anyone treat you any less!
P:S I won’t even let any of these happen to you. I’ll be watching you ALL the time. Any man who seeks you should know if they mess with you, they might not have two legs for the rest of their lives. I’m done.