Gentlemen and ladies, girls and boys,
I’m almost 30 years old, I don’t have a lot of things figured out yet, but one thing I know for sure after almost three decades on this earth is; menstruation may not be for me.
Yes, I know… I’m a woman, it’s natural and all that jazz. But listen, I can’t seem to master how to control and keep this bloody wonder in check.
Well, to be fair, it’s not so much menstruation’s fault. I think it’s my inability to find a pad that works. (However, I’m hopeful, my daughter, in the future, will manage this better than I am. I’ve written her a manual on what to expect. )
About a year ago or so, I remember writing the Nigerian Husband about a menstruation accident I had.
Believe folks, no matter how prepared I think I am, I always end up having accidents. For the most part, my circle is regular and I rarely ever go without knowing when my period is due to arrive. I just seem to be caught off guard by how heavy it flows. (Thanks to a visit to the gynecologist, I know the cause of the bleeding. We’ll talk about fibroids on another post.)
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I used regular pads. At some point even, I began to wonder why grocery stores carried anything but regular pads.
As I approached mid twenties and my period began flowing like the red sea, I saw the need to use not-so-regular-flow sanitary pads. I thought that would have lasted only a while until I got back to my regular pads. The joke was on me.
Then I discovered overnight pads. Initially, they worked. I didn’t have to worry about leakage and all that.
Boys and girls, once again, I’ve been let down by pads.
In the past few months, overnight pads haven’t done their duty.
For example, today, I thought I was adequately prepared and armed to block all leakage.
I got to the office, attempted to do some work, left the office several times, including for lunch and an interview. I walked up and down the street with so much confidence.
When I got back to the office, I decided to go make sure I could carry on the day with my confidence.
Darn period had to have the upper hand.
Little did I know that I walked around town with stains on my pants.
I’m giving up, I’m throwing in the towel.
You’re darned if you don’t and darned if you do. So with that in mind, I’m just not going to wear any pads, in fact, I’m done with menstruation.
Can’t I just get an sms on my phone monthly telling me I’m not pregnant? As if leaking is not enough, I still have to deal with period pains from hell.
Ah Ah, is it by force? I don’t want it anymore.
On a slightly more serious note,I think it’s about time these companies start catering to women with heavy periods. I don’t mean just plain heavy periods, I mean super heavy, embarrassingly heavy, and I-Must-Leak- All- The-Time heavy periods.
I look at some of the sanitary pads on the market and wonder if they are paper towel. Some of them can barely even cover the entire length of my crotch.
And before anyone suggests tampons, I don’t know how effective that thing will be at sucking up all the blood I shed every month.
I’m done. Period.
Vou Vents 
In my experience I would use a super or super plus tampon and a pad. I also was advised to take ibuprofen every 4 hours bc it helped control or slow the flow. Eventually I got an IUD and my period stopped completely, but this really sucks so I hope this helps.
Thank you!
I’ve not given tampons too much thought and I’m also not a fan of medication either.
I just keep going round and round the dreadful heavy period. But thankfully, the doctor seems to know what’s wrong. I’m going to get treatment before the next period, I hope.
Lol I see the pun at the end.
🙂 thanks!
I could have written this post cept for the regular periods and fibroid bits, mine is PCOS and my periods are regular in their irregularity.
The struggle!
PCOS is not talked about as often as fibroids, even though both, as well as other fertility/reproductive organ issues need to be demystified. We need more open discussions on these issues, only then can many women take ownership and control of their health in that regard.
Lmaooo!!! This cracked me up from beginning to the end, I knew I had to read it when I saw the title..
It is well dear, I don’t get heavy flows so I wish I could advice you on all that. Be sure to prepare ahead for next month ☺☺
This is clever and cute…”I’m done. Period.”
Hello Vou,
It’s been too long. I am just in shock that you actually wrote about your period. Bravo!!!
Hey Monale!
It’s great to have you back. Please don’t be away for too long again 🙂
As for periods, I write about mine because I think menstruation needs to be publicly talked about a lot more.
Some ideas you can try that have been helpful for me
1. Try wearing 2 long/overnight pads making sure they overlap where your flow tends to pool, or use poise or another pad designed for bladder problems on the heavier days even though it can give the sensation of wearing pampers. Maybe you can even try incontinence underwear.
2. Change your pads very often (every hour or 2). It can be annoying but I think less annoying that having accidents.
3. Wear loose skirts so you can put on shorts or boxers as extra protection in case of leakage
4. I’ve tried using tampons and pads together and it does help but my body doesn’t like tampons on the heavy days…makes my cramps a whole lot worse for some reason. Removing them is also pretty disgusting because they are always soaked through to the string.
5. Put paper towel outside of your underwear, held in place with tights or a second underwear as an added layer of absorption & protection.
6. Put toilet tissue on the pad as an added layer of absorption.
Thanks Maggie! All these sound like great things to try,indeed. I sure will be trying them out.
I like the idea of the text message. Or one of those computer wizards could come up with an app or something!
Girl,
Wouldn’t that be amazing?
You just spoke my mind,can i just get a “hey girl,its your menstrual Aunty,you’re not pregnant! Be zipping up wella” kinda message,instead of the 1 week drama..nice post👏
It’s not a small something! 😂