Day 2,556.

Seven years ago on this day, I got introduced to my husband.

What a journey it’s been. We’ve experienced love, we’ve experienced pain, we’ve experienced joy and we’ve also experienced some fights. We’ve had days of intense butterflies in our bellies and days of intense “who/why-did-I-get-married?” There’s no one I’d rather walk this road with. May sound like a cliche, but I mean it.

No filters- both literally and figuratively.

I’ve enjoyed writing about this union as much as I’ve enjoyed being it is. One thing I’ve always been conscious of about sharing my relationship here and on other social platforms is the need to not over glamorize it.

Like every other union, we’ve had some challenges and probably are working through some. However, we’re still standing and I think we both share a commitment to want to see things work. I’m happy I have a partner who I can fight through things with.

I hope to keep experiencing the good things of relationship and marriage so I can keep sharing them and inspiring hope in some people. However, always keep in mind that there’s work in the background before some of these moments can be shared. This hard work includes having tough, very tough conversations, sometimes heated arguments but also honest and vulnerable feelings laid out.

It is hard work but it is fun work too. I’m glad I get to do this work with the most thoughtful and kind guy ever.

Happy Day 2,556, Beautiful Man. Here’s to many more days of smelling each other’s farts.

Daily writing prompt

What is your favorite season of year? Why?

View all responses

Christmas.

Many years ago, I experienced something that made me dislike Christmas. When the season came around, I cringed at the decorations, I avoided meals made specially for that day. I just wasn’t going to be jolly.

Alas, that’s all a thing of the past now. I love Christmas. I love the lights, I love the build up of emotions, the plans we make, planning the menu and now, looking forward to wearing matching outfits with my family.

Importantly, being a Christian, I love the season for what it represents; the birth of Christ, the ultimate sacrifice and statement of love. What’s there not to love about the season that reminds us to be selfless in our dealings, to be merciful and be full of cheer.

I love Christmas so much so that I don’t mind playing carols from September. I’ll see how long it will take before I put up the tree this year.

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing.

Dear Noor,

I’ve been your mother for the past thirteen months. I still don’t know what I’m doing. Well, to be fair to myself, you’re still alive, you’re healthy, your walking/running around the place and you’re as verbal as can be.

Truth be told. I’m still just winging it. I keep thinking of how and when they even let me leave the hospital with you in the first place. Like, guys, I’ve never done this before. I have like less than a second experience and you’re letting me leave this hospital with a whole human being. I didn’t know what they were thinking, but here we are, more than a year later, still moving. I’m not sure if we’re moving strong, but we’re moving.

If you’d asked me several years ago, what kind of mother I’d be, my answer would have been the exact opposite of the kind of parent I am now. I envisioned and almost worried that I’d be a helicopter parent, I’d be so strict that the Nigerian Husband would have to be the easy-going on.

I look at my parenting – or what I think I’m doing – and I pray you turn out well. Unlike moms I read from/of on the internet, I don’t have a feeding schedule for you. Sleep training is nowhere on our radars, you get way more screen time than I hear some mothers have for their babies. Look, going by the books, I can categorically tell you that, this motherhood thing isn’t something I may be kicking butt at.

However, I need to learn to cut myself some slack. You’re a very expressive little one who loves other children. If you turn out to be the most emotionally sensitive and intelligent child, I’ll take that over a child who loves structure but has little emotional connection with people. You enjoy looking at your father and I pray. I love seeing your smile when we say “Amen.” I enjoy the smiles that push their way through your two-teeth mouth when I begin your daily affirmations “You are beautiful, you are smart, you are kind, you are loved, you are brave, you are strong and you can do all things through Christ, who gives you strength.” The hugs that follow when I say “Jesus loves you, daddy loves you and I Loooooooove you my mamzy,” are even more heart warming.

I still don’t know what I’m doing, but I really hope you grow up knowing you’re loved and me and your dad did and are doing our best to make sure you’re a good and kind human being.

Lots of love,

Mom.

My Daddy Is In Charge.

I’ve never really been scared of flights, turbulence never bothered me much. Well, thankfully, I’ve only experienced relatively moderate turbulence.

However, the last few times I’ve flown, I’ve been slightly uneasy about turbulence. I’m not sure why. I’ve blamed it on the fact that I now fly with a little baby who I may have to protect if push comes to shove.

The Captain and his future copilot.

Today, however, I’m currently on a plane being flown by my husband. Needless to say, I’m not nervous.

I’m not going to be proud, so I won’t mention that he gave me and his child a special shoutout during the passenger briefing. That said, during the address, he mentioned that we may experience some bumps on our way to the destination.

As would have been the case in recent flights, I’d have been nervous anticipating the shake. I wasn’t.

Trust.

We’re still flying as I type and true to his word, we’re experiencing slight bumps. I’m not worried.

First because I trust in his ability to keep things in check. (I married the best pilot in the world.) He makes good decisions even under pressure and doesn’t take unnecessary risks. I’m confident that by God’s grace, he will land us safely. I know this because I know how much he studies to stay on top of his craft.

At the start of the flight when I realized I had no fears, I quickly thought of how in life, I ought to trust God the same way and more too. I do. However, sometimes human fears creep in.

As much as I trust my husband, I should trust that God has everything in check. Like my husband announced at the start, there will be some bumps, but he’s got us covered.

Absolutely the same for our walk and trust in God. In the scriptures, God tells us expressly that we will face troubles and challenges but in all, we should rest, assured that with him on our side, we will be victorious.

This week, I want to trust God more. I want to be at peace when there’s trouble because I know God has me covered.

By the way, if you guys want special shoutouts on any flight operated by my husband, I won’t charge you much. Hit me up. Trust me. 😃

Fake Life.

Dear Noor,

I was born in Jos. Jos isn’t too cosmopolitan so we didn’t have all the fancy things you’d get in Lagos or Abuja or any big city. There were no big spas with all the amenities.

Even when I lived in the Virgin Islands, I utilized spa services but never went extreme.

Here’s why I’m telling you all this; your father took me to the spa today. My pidgin isn’t the best, but I think only pidgin English can adequately express all I went through today.

I began planning the outfit I’d wear days ahead. God forbid, my enemies shall not be lurking around the hallways of Radisson Blu and catch me looking unfresh. With that in mind, I decided to wear my Trefle Designs dress. See, I got this dress many years ago when I was still a size 8/10 and living the premium baby girl life. I’ve given birth to you, I’m not the size I used to be: my breasts are triple or quadruple the size they used to be. E better make good dress bust than sit down for closet waste. I wore my dress, my thing. Na my money I use buy am, anybody wey e pain, make them drink panadol.

Na My Business.

I’ve been back to the gym for a little over a week now.

Things have been good but this morning, everything almost went south.

I’ve shown up each morning, I’ve sweated, I’ve jumped, I’ve lifted weights. Apparently, my enemies are not happy with my consistency.

The decided to throw me a curve ball this morning. First of all, I woke up and they swamped me with the idea of not going to the gym, but staying home to jump rose. I almost bought it.

I caught on to their scheme when they made me have fufu and oha soup for breakfast. Thank God I was quick to see their evil scheme. I ate the fufu and cleared the plate. It was nice.

But I just wouldn’t let them triumph, first over my absenteeism at the gym and secondly, with the fufu they made me give into.

I braved it, packed whatever little will and shame I had and drove to the gym.

I defeated them.

Next week, when I’ve developed a little more control over my enemies in the kitchen, I’ll come back with gist on the personalities at the gym. I almost fell for the pressure to wear bum shorts to gym one day, thanks to the gym bro with the shortest shorts ever.

Love and light, few calories.

To The Strong Ones.

Dear Noor,

I’m back to exercising. Before I got pregnant with Star your sister and then after Star went on to be with Jesus at birth, I started exercising again. It’s therapeutic. Plus, who am I kidding, I love how I look in dresses as a result of the exercises.

I hope I keep exercising as an example to you. I hope you grow up and have a very active lifestyle for all the health benefits it offers.

This is Hyelni wearing Arhyel’s shirt. I’ll dedicate the next exercise to Hyelni, a fierce guy.

However, truth be told, it’s not easy. It’s hard on some days, fun on some and on others, you just want to curl up in bed and sleep. But keep moving.

Today wasn’t bad. However, during my routine this morning, I almost gave up on several occasions. I sought to self motivate myself using the strong people in my life. There are so many of them that I’m sure keep pushing in the face of adversity.

Your cousins – Arhyel, Hyelni and Mase – came to mind. Arhyel, the oldest, isn’t 10 years, but I was happy that as young as they are, I can draw inspiration from them to complete my routine.

Future workouts will be dedicated to strong people in my life. There are so many of them. I pray they inspire you as much as they inspire me.

Here’s to many more workouts for the strong people in our lives.

Exercising Postpartum.

So, it’s been six months since I gave birth to Noor. She’s an absolute delight. Her smiles neutralize any sulky feeling I may have after not sleeping well at night.

Here’s the deal, six months mean she can start eating other meals and I can delegate more of her demands to others – not that I haven’t been doing that already. ( Thanks to a husband who is an involved parent and a nanny who has been understanding so far.)

But it’s gym time. It’s time to get back to my superwoman vibe. You know, like, lifting the heaviest items on the gym and giving those sacks of sand-chested men in the gym a run for their money.

Watch out! This was me working out a few days after conception.

So on this beautiful day – August 2, I made a walk back into a gym. I think I’m ready but are those at the gym ready for me? I’m not sure they know what just walked into the gym! They don’t know the force they’re about to face.

I walked in there jamming some soca music from DJ Private Ryan. There’s something about dancing to soca music that makes you feel ready to conquer all the workout.

I walked in and noticed people just flaunting with no regard. All those women in crop tops and bras, be very scared. There’s no telling how fast my mummy bod will transform. It could be one week, it could be 6 weeks, but I’m coming for allllllll of you.

While the fitness instructor was coaching me through some entry level workouts, those flat-belled, crop-top-wearing girls walked around showing off, pressing my neck with a smirk on their faces. You think these flabby arms and meaty back is here to stay? You’re wrong. I’ll be back in my toned back and each one of you will raise your arms in defeat to me. Be scared! Be very scared. I’m coming for you in my own crop top too!

Let’s talk about those other ones wearing shorts in their fine legs! Cover your jugulars! Forget that I could barely walk after the instructor was done with me. Forget that I thought I had spaghetti for legs, by the time I’ve transformed out of my not-so-toned legs, I’ll walk into the gym and all of you will bend your knees in respect.

While at it, I saw you lot in the Tabata class showcasing how fit you guys are. SMH, what show offs, but worry not, go ask Mitch at Body Images Gym who his top fitness girls were. He won’t forget to mention my name. I’m coming and all of you will be left at the back of the class begging me to slow down!

I . AM . BACk!

I Judged a Mother.

I judged a mother yesterday.

About two months after Noor was born, as novices that we are, we took her to the hospital to check out the umbilical hernia she has and for a doctor to confirm that indeed, she’s okay and it would most likely go away. We ended up learning she’s got some narrowing of some pulmonary valves in her heart, bla bla bla.. ( I put it that way, because she’s been made whole in Jesus’ name.)

Anyways, she had a second echocardiogram yesterday. And while waiting for our turn, I noticed a mother facing the wall and I could hear bubbling sounds coming from her little one.

“Oh my God, does she want to choke the child?” I couldn’t get off my uppity self-righteous horse.

I mean, this woman had to be wicked, hasn’t she heard and read of the dangers of force feeding children like that?

Yea, all the medical advise doesn’t support that, she had to know better right?

I quickly caught myself and how hypocritical I was. I may not be force feeding my child, but certainly, there must many things I do that many mothers would scoff at ; I don’t always use wipes when changing Noor’s pee diapers. Sometimes I get tempted to skip bathing her. I sometimes pretend to still be asleep in the middle of the night and keep her crying a bit to see if she’ll just go back to sleep and I won’t have to leave my sweet sleep.

What a wicked mother I am.

Over the weekend, I had a dream about me judging someone. I didn’t extent grace to that person. The next day after that dream, at church, the sermon centered about being hypocritical. “Drop that stone.”

After judging the mother, the dream and the sermon came to mind. I felt awful! I couldn’t just “put face for front” and pretend I didn’t pull a Pharisee move.

After a few minutes, I called the mother’s attention and confessed. I told her I was sorry and didn’t consider that she may have reasons for doing what she did.

I later learnt the child is almost a year old, but looks way younger because she doesn’t eat. She throws up everything. Strong mother has tried everything in the books and the only way she can ensure her child has anything in her little belly is to forcefully feed her in the one way I considered a cardinal sin.

As “dangerous” as we’re told or even know that is, that’s a mother frustrated and doing the best she can do. All that was and is out of love.

Judgement is easy, but I’m learning to extend grace instead of judgement.

Motherhood.

Dear Noor,
Exactly a year ago on June 28, 2021, I found out I was pregnant and as an anniversary surprise, I told your dad.
It’s been quite the year since then. You’re almost five months old and these few months have been great. Motherhood hasn’t been as challenging as I thought it would be. To be honest, it’s been easy because of hands I’ve had around to help. Daddy has been quite a hands-on father.

Long before I got pregnant, I always thought writing you letters will continue at ease once you’re born. How wrong was I.
I’ve not written anything since I was about four months pregnant. It has worried me. There’s no better time than now to really write you letters I hope you’ll enjoy in the future. I hope these letters will serve as some sort of life manual for you.

Writer’s Block.

It’s been so many months since I wrote anything here.
Since my last post, I gave birth to Light who we will now refer to as “Noor,” a name give to her by her paternal aunties.

I always thought whenever I finally had my child, I would write letter after letter to said child. How wrong was I.

This is the new me with all the pregnancy weight gain present.

Noor has been a delight, I can’t think of any concrete reasons why inspiration has eluded me. Today is the Nigerian Husband and I’s anniversary. You’d think I’ll write a post specifically on it since it was on our anniversary last year that we found out we were pregnant with Noor.

I’m not sure that the issue is, but I long to write again. I long to write posts that’ll entertain me but also throw in one or two life lessons for Noor. I want to write and poke fun at some traditional expectations of men and women in relationships. I want to write about what makes me happy and things that cause me to laugh. I want to vent again.

Has any mother, specifically, a new mom experienced a writing draught after birth? how did you overcome it?

The Goodness of God.

Hi Light,

You’re 15 weeks, two days (in-utero) today. You’ve just completed your first international flight. Dad and I are taking off from Atlanta right now to go see grandma and the family in Houston. You handled the flight well and I pray this leg of the trip will be easy on us too.

There’s so much for you to experience but this post isn’t about that. This is about the goodness of our God, who I pray and know you’ll grow to love and honour.

See, we’ve planned this trip since we – dad and I- found out we were pregnant. Here’s the deal though, from time to time some doubts crept into my mind. Our US visas were due to expire in a month or so, so I worried we may not be allowed to stay beyond the visa validity and may have to return to Nigeria. I wouldn’t have a problem at all giving birth to you in Nigeria, but just for the little perks here and there, we chose America.

Read more: The Goodness of God.